Crazy in Love with....

Change. What does it take to change? What do I have to do? What do I have to believe? Why does it seem that I can never outrun the need to change?
This morning's amazing sermon by my brother in Christ, Kyle Burke, was phenomenal! There really aren't the proper words to express the power of brokeness and how it can and will transform our lives. Coming before the Father and before your beloved family in Christ and allowing the light to shine on the darkness of your life IS life transforming. This action of humility releases God's power at a level that is unimaginable. I wonder why light can be so painful? Isn't the light meant to be good? Ahhhhh....but, the light is good. It does shine goodness, but it must face a level of darkness and wickedness that is ugly...beyond ugly actually. The Bible says that our righteousness, the very best we could ever be, is like a filthy, dirty rag to the Lord.

I also wonder why it can be heart-wrenching to share truth, love and correction with others? I avoid it at almost all cost. I hate the fear of looking into someone's eyes and possibly hurting them, possibly screwing it all up with my fleshly tongue and nature, possibly bauching what God wants to do through me. It stinks and I'm just a human being whose life is also filled with sin and the need for correction. God continues to stir a boldness in me that is full of love, compassion and wisdom. I am boldly going to proclaim the truths of Him...not what feels good, not what feels right, not what "I think" is best....but I must choose to encourage others with the truth of His words that are eternal and everlasting.

I also wonder how love is such a beautiful thing, yet so difficult and unnatural to walk out. It sounds fun in theory to talk about loving others like Jesus would. Every moment that God gives me another breath on this earth, I realize all the more....that I am solely and utterly insufficient to make it through this life with out Him. It's insane to think that I have any power of my own. As a matter of fact, I constantly show myself how much I need him, by screwing things up. Any and everytime that I've leaned on my own understanding of something, it's led me to destruction. The destruction may manifest itself outwardly or even inwardly. The sad part is that the inward manifestion can be darker, more disgusting, and more repulsive because it's hidden. Or should I say, I attempt to hide it. However, I'm learning day by day that the more real I am with where I am, the more He has the power to change me.

Kyle brought to light this morning this...."Humility is acurately accessing who you are before God." He said some harsh, but loving truth too...it's the kind of truth that most of us know but hate to believe. He said...YOU do not have the right to get your feelings hurt. Your preferences should NOT matter. You are alive by the grace of God. We should wake up every morning and make a list of all the reasons why we deserve HELL. But because of God's great love and compassion for us- we have hope and a new life. He loves me. He loves you.

Kyle also highlighted the importance of unity and not getting hung up over the details. Really...really...if we were to have the accurate view of ourselves and be full of humility- who cares what color that paint is on the wall!??? He pointed out how churches have been divided over stupid, silly stuff...all because one's opinion got in the way. What is the big picture here??? JESUS!! It's all about JESUS! He deserves the glory and praise and honor forever and ever!! Period. No qualms about it. We need to constantly keep the end goal in mind and work towards drawing others closer to Jesus and shining His light in this world through His love!

I love my church. I love it with all my heart. I love the people who make up my church. I love my pastor and Lisa and their family. I love the leadership team like crazy. I love the women of my church and of our Heart 2 Heart ministry. I love all of the children, even the naughty ones :) teeheee :) But above all- I love their love for righteousness, for growth, for holiness and truth. I love the fact that a man can preach how God has opened his eyes and revealed disgusting behaviors that did not bring God glory. I love how people can go to the alter and be prayer for, loved on and encouraged. I love how the people worship and catch the Spirit of God. I love that grown men can bawl their eyes out and be hugged/comforted by other men. I love how we are not so rigid as to avoid God's call. The preachers aren't afraid to veer from a planned sermon or point- to run after where God is working. It's a beautiful thing. I'm growing more and more crazy in love with my church family. I see how that love is going to overflow into reaching Lafayette. I looked out at the congregation today and fell into a deeper love with them. God gave me a fresh new love for each person. I felt sappy. I wanted to hug everyone and pray over every person. I wanted them all to come over for lunch, but my little crockpot with sausauge, green beans and potatoes wouldn't have quite cut it :) My point is that on my own strength, I just don't have it in me to love those around me like I should. But- because HE died and rose on the 3rd day- I have power over satan's schemes. God moved me to notice the single mom beside me crying her eyes out. I asked her "How can I pray for you?" She said her life was a "disaster...everything was a disaster." That broke my heart. My next question was if she already had a relationship with God...she immediately answered yes, that she was saved already. Awesome! We briefly talked about her being consistent in church, coming on Wed. nights and getting plugged into a family group. Her work schedule and taking her son to visit his father seems to always fall on the same nights as church. Well, I'm determined to follow up with the other family groups and ask them all to pursue her...surely one of our groups will fit into her schedule!!!

You know how we all have ups and downs in our walk with God. Well, it's time for me to put me aside and start putting His agenda first. It's time for me to start evangelizing again like crazy. I have slacked off for quite sometime. But I'm ready to change....again!

I'm so thankful that I do NOT sound like a broken letter to my Father. I'm crazy in love with Him and satan will NOT fool me. God wants to change me....one day at a time.
k