How Long!

How long has it been since I first wrote on this blog??? A LONG time ago. I sort of came to a point where I didn't want everyone reading my innermost thoughts. I'm still at this point...so
God...it's all YOU and Me!
As you know I watched the "Passion" Sat. night and was moved to remember the road of suffereing that you took to the cross. You were highly persecuted- beyond my belief. You suffered in a way that is indescribable. I realize that you not only suffered physically, but the true worst part of it all was being God in the flesh and having to bare the sins of the world. How did you actually forgive and love those who were horrifically spitting in your face. If you were sitting right here, Jesus, I would ask you how did you do it? How did your heart not rage with anger for the unrighteous treatment that you were recieving? I love you Lord. I want to seek you with all my heart, mind and soul and NOT care one bit what anyone has to say unless it is godly advice. I want to "tune out," if you will, the static of the world. I want to hone in on what is precious and important to you! I want to love my family like you want me to and be the mom and wife that you've called me to be. I want to be a crown of jewels on my husband's head that he is proud of . I want to focus on eternity. You keep telling me eternity is at hand...eternity is at hand. I do want to have self control and deny my flesh . I do want to foloow and obey you , but I'm soooooooo weak! so weak!!! My weakness actually disgusts me!!! I want to be a shining witness for you and love people and tell them the gospel and your powere to transform their lives. But Lord, Lord, want do you really want to do with my life? Tell me. Please tell me. I want to sit at your feet and drink from the cup in your hand . I want you to hold me tight and not let me go. Connvict me immediately when I'm far from you, give me the strength to make wrongs right. Please give me a humble heart that does not want worldly attention. Make me dissappear and you APPEAR through me in your greatness. I love you Lord. I do. I'm sooooo sorry for all the ways that I let you down. You are my creator, my love, my maker. You knit my inner most parts in my mother's womb and I'm eternally grateful that you chose to love me first! Why did I get privledged to live in a free country, with loving family and upbringing, not an abusive home, a wonderful godly husband...6 lovely children...why me? I do not deserve all of this. I know there are people dying all over the world just because they don't have clean water. They are my human brothers and sisters and yet I allow them to die??? Oh Lord, break my heart for the things that break yours. I want a new passion stirred up in me like I've never known. Stir my heart Lord!! Stir it up!!! I want to eat your word and breathe it...live it...love it.
Lord, i love you and want to just be overflowing with you tonight.