Howdy gals!
Yes, it's been far too long since I've posted-but when you are at the bottom of the barrel, you don't feel like saying much of anything. You don't want to bore people with your pointless talk or you feel like a hypocrite who preaches a healthy lifestyle but is eating fattening french fries.
You all know that I've been coveting your prayers for me to get back on track. Today is a new day and God reminded me that there is no tomorrow and no turning back. I'm such a screw up...yes, really! I'm such a loser at heart and a pig in the flesh! Oh, Jesus... I KNOW and believe you died for all of my sins- my disgusting gluttony, my selfish behaviors, my wicked heart, my horrid thought process- PLEASE let me walk in the light! I have been bought with a price by you, Oh God!!!! Why do I want to steal from you, God? And try to steal my life back and live it recklessly????? I hate it!!!!
Many of you have been praying for me and I appreciate it-truly!!! The tide is turning at last. Today, I logged back on to Weight Watchers and am recommitting myself to it. It actually felt freeing to type in what I've eaten today, including 8 little M and M's! By the grace of God- I went to Walmart and bought some things to get us through the week and I've got a plan!!!
It felt good to spend money on fresh blueberries, fresh bananas (what other kind are there, right?), garlic, lowfat cottage cheese, etc! So, I came home and chugged some water. Then decided to make my dinner for tonight at work- it took a whopping 8 minutes to prepare a 4 oz. piece of frozen salmon and garlic stir fryed frozen green beans. I put a mini bag of lite popcorn in my sack, a Clif Bar (i'll tell you more in a minute about those!!), and the container of fresh blueberries! YUMMMMMMMY! I'm also taking a new fiber one yogurt- YUMMMYYY!
Okay- the Clif bars- I bought the ones for "Kids" that are organic and come as 24 individually wrapped bars from Sam's Club- for a little over $10- that's .40 per bar!!! This came as a variety pack of double chocolate brownie, chocolate chip or peanut butter- I love them!!!!!! Anna got me hooked on them as her teacher brought them to Health class towards the end of the school year.
Now, about the yogurt- these come as a little bit smaller containers as a traditional individual yogurt, but they are to die for and high in fiber. Sometimes I open the other kinds of yogurt and feel like it's just too much to eat at one sitting, so I actually like these smaller ones. Plus, mentally, it fools me into thinking I'm having a s'morgesboard of food at meal time if I eat a variety of things, but good portions!
So, I'm joyfully announcing that WE are back on track. You may say, "Who's WE?" Well, the WE is all of you who would like to jump back on with me right now!!! None of us ever said this would be easy or a joy- but we have to stick together for our health. I don't know about you, but I hate fat- like, literall fat rolls. Be prepared for some TMI here..... I sat down to go potty the other day and felt that the roll in front was protruding a bit more than it had been- OOOOOHHHHH GROSSS!!! I hate that feeling. So, I'm back on track- because HE lives and loves my nasty self! Thank you GOD for a bazillion chances to take my health seriously!
I love you God and I love you dear friends!
K
Life is Good because of God! Thumbs up!!!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The 3 P's
Where is the time going? Can anyone believe that we are just 21 days away from TSC starting.
Anna will be in 8th gr., Johnathan will be in 6th, Abby will be in 3rd, Evan will be in 1st and Emma will be full day kindergarten! Avry will be attending EFC Childcare/preschool. Yahoo!!! I don't wish away this precious time with the kids while they are still young. However, I am excited to see what God is doing in each of their lives as they grow older. Just a warning...next summer when I blog, it'll probably be an entire melt down as Anna will then be going into highschool!! No way!!!!!!!!
Onto another topic...prayer. I've come to realize that truly the only hope I have to regain consciousness from this toxic, selfish acoma that I've went into is to ask for prayer. What's on my prayer list specifically? A lot of yucky stuff to be honest. I have to take a deep breath to even bring myself to terms with where I am...I hate it and I'm going to fight until God's victory prevails over darkness.
1. Pray that my heart will be transformed by the renewing of my mind. (don't know where that scripture is..)
2. Pray that I'll have a hunger for God's Word like never before, that the gates of Heaven will be opened to me and the Spirit will pour down over me like a rushing river.
3. Pray that I continue to develop a servant's heart. It's so easy to slack in the comfort of your own home...i highly desire to be a woman of integrity whom my children look up to and see my servant's heart. Right now, it's much easier to beg them to watch t.v. so i can sleep in.
4. pray that I'll see clearly the enemy's schemes and realize ways that I can step into the armour of God to fight off the devil, world and flesh.
Let's talk a minute about "the flesh"- for such a simple word, it sure does encompass complex meaning. My flesh is beyond evil. It disgusts me. Every day, I must battle my own flesh. The Spirit is fighting against it..but so often I just want to live in the flesh. I get cozy, snuggle up with a warm furry blankie and suck my thumb as i waller in the flesh. I like to pout like a baby! I like to whine and complain, making a sound like a clanging symbol. Why??Why??? Why would anyone choose this horrid lifestyle..yet, even though I'm saved, I choose to walk in old wickedness, old thought processes of selfish gain and pride. Some of you are thinking "Oh, kara you aren't that bad or you are over exaggerating as we all struggle." Or you are thinking, "Glad you realize and admitt it." But let me tell you that when the Bible says our hearts our wicked and we are lost- oh yes..can i ever assure you that it's true. The good news is of course that Christ is my advocate and I've received His forgiveness... Something odd just happened as I was typing the word "forgiveness"... my fingers slowed down on the key board and I could barely type that word. I've accepted eternal like through Christ's forgiveness, yet i receive some sort of sickening comfort out of holding on to all the "ways that I'm bad."
I'm actually getting a headache thinking about all of this...i'm too complex, or do I just make it all too complex??hmmmmmm
Three words keep ringing loudly with me: Pride, Praise and Prayer. ( The 3 P's!)
God deserves far more praise than I give Him. My pride issue sucks and I must rely and have faith in the power of prayer!!!!
As a matter of fact..I'm gonna just head to bed right now and spend some time in prayer.
love you all!
k
Anna will be in 8th gr., Johnathan will be in 6th, Abby will be in 3rd, Evan will be in 1st and Emma will be full day kindergarten! Avry will be attending EFC Childcare/preschool. Yahoo!!! I don't wish away this precious time with the kids while they are still young. However, I am excited to see what God is doing in each of their lives as they grow older. Just a warning...next summer when I blog, it'll probably be an entire melt down as Anna will then be going into highschool!! No way!!!!!!!!
Onto another topic...prayer. I've come to realize that truly the only hope I have to regain consciousness from this toxic, selfish acoma that I've went into is to ask for prayer. What's on my prayer list specifically? A lot of yucky stuff to be honest. I have to take a deep breath to even bring myself to terms with where I am...I hate it and I'm going to fight until God's victory prevails over darkness.
1. Pray that my heart will be transformed by the renewing of my mind. (don't know where that scripture is..)
2. Pray that I'll have a hunger for God's Word like never before, that the gates of Heaven will be opened to me and the Spirit will pour down over me like a rushing river.
3. Pray that I continue to develop a servant's heart. It's so easy to slack in the comfort of your own home...i highly desire to be a woman of integrity whom my children look up to and see my servant's heart. Right now, it's much easier to beg them to watch t.v. so i can sleep in.
4. pray that I'll see clearly the enemy's schemes and realize ways that I can step into the armour of God to fight off the devil, world and flesh.
Let's talk a minute about "the flesh"- for such a simple word, it sure does encompass complex meaning. My flesh is beyond evil. It disgusts me. Every day, I must battle my own flesh. The Spirit is fighting against it..but so often I just want to live in the flesh. I get cozy, snuggle up with a warm furry blankie and suck my thumb as i waller in the flesh. I like to pout like a baby! I like to whine and complain, making a sound like a clanging symbol. Why??Why??? Why would anyone choose this horrid lifestyle..yet, even though I'm saved, I choose to walk in old wickedness, old thought processes of selfish gain and pride. Some of you are thinking "Oh, kara you aren't that bad or you are over exaggerating as we all struggle." Or you are thinking, "Glad you realize and admitt it." But let me tell you that when the Bible says our hearts our wicked and we are lost- oh yes..can i ever assure you that it's true. The good news is of course that Christ is my advocate and I've received His forgiveness... Something odd just happened as I was typing the word "forgiveness"... my fingers slowed down on the key board and I could barely type that word. I've accepted eternal like through Christ's forgiveness, yet i receive some sort of sickening comfort out of holding on to all the "ways that I'm bad."
I'm actually getting a headache thinking about all of this...i'm too complex, or do I just make it all too complex??hmmmmmm
Three words keep ringing loudly with me: Pride, Praise and Prayer. ( The 3 P's!)
God deserves far more praise than I give Him. My pride issue sucks and I must rely and have faith in the power of prayer!!!!
As a matter of fact..I'm gonna just head to bed right now and spend some time in prayer.
love you all!
k
Monday, July 14, 2008
Rambling
Oh my...where do i begin? I feel 100 million miles away from God right now and I'm begging and pleading with Him to get back to where I was. It's not just food, it's my heart right now that I'm most concerned by. I feel so wordly.... I realize that much of that is a result of me now battling the outside world in 8 hour increments at my job (which I still love). It's a whole new arena for me. Here's the prob: "Happy Hour" at Sonic is from 2-4 when you get 1/2 price on drinks and slushies...my new favorite is the Lemon Berry Slushy-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't fathom how much sugar is in that bad boy. It can't be good! I did take my lunch today which was progress.
I know I've said this before but it is oh so true- the hardest thing about struggling in any area of your life is that you HATE to admit it! I'm biting my lip so hard and hate when someone points out that I've been struggling- it's NOT their fault for bringing it up, it's MY PRIDE problem! I can't stand judgment concerning what I'm eating- it's soooooo tough on me.
You all know that my goal in working for Walgreens is to become an Assistant Manager asap.
I have NO idea how far away that is and all that I must learn and prove to attain that position.
So, I've been carefully watching the other assistant managers and realize the thing they can do that I'm able to yet is : Climb like a monkey up on top of displays and ladders to hang things- I keep picturing my soon-to-be fit body jumping around the store like a circus performer. I want to look at any task and just say "I can do that no matter the physical labor involved!" I noticed
that the managers all work their tales off when it comes to truck day. What is truck day you might ask? Well, it's just as it sounds... the day when a large semi backs up to our stockroom doors and a roller style conveyer belt extends to the truck. Managers start stacking, piling, organizing all sorts of stuff that comes off the truck- and it's all done very fast. BUT I am capable of doing it too... I just know it! I'm building up my endurance by using a "2-wheeler" to transport boxes of stuff around the store :) Renay gets a kick out of my infatuation with the new lingo of the Walgreens world.
"Coz" is of course the Cosmetic Dept.
"2 Wheeler" is a dolly cart
"a plano" is the planogram- which is a print out of the product layout of each section of shelving
"on the wall" means on the cosmetic wall-
"in the back" means along the back wall of the store
"deep facing" is organizing and straightening the products behind what you see up front on the shelf.
"Facing" is straightening the products and pulling them all forward.
Have I told you all that my abosolute favorite product line to stock onto the shelves is deodorant.
Yes... it is rather funny but there are SO many different types and styles of cans, bottles, containers. Here's the one that I'm most fascinated by - a new type of "Old Spice" deodorant that comes in a burnt red colored aresol bottle. Oh my gosh! I love it!!!! Of course, it is a man's deodorant and I'm thinking of buying some for my gramps! (just kidding) Just promise me that the next time you come in to see me or you are in a Walgreens- just pick up this can and revel in its beauty, it's rustic smooth texture, observe the cool little spray top. Okay, okay, I'll stop going on and on about it!
My new favorite cologne is my Antonio Banderez called Blue Seduction for women. I've realized that some of the names for various products aren't necessarily godly... but I don't think that really matters does it? It's all about the heart issue behind the item. For example, if I was to wear "Blue Seduction" parfume and then begin seducing men other than my hubby, then I've got a major problem. Now, if I wear it and become a bit frisky with john -then yahoo- the parfume did it's job of seduction in the right manner :)
I'm a bit wild tonight! It's a good thing because when I first starting posting all of this, I felt rather down and sad.
I miss you all! I miss Heart 2 Heart but I know that we'll be restarting soon.
love you,
k
I know I've said this before but it is oh so true- the hardest thing about struggling in any area of your life is that you HATE to admit it! I'm biting my lip so hard and hate when someone points out that I've been struggling- it's NOT their fault for bringing it up, it's MY PRIDE problem! I can't stand judgment concerning what I'm eating- it's soooooo tough on me.
You all know that my goal in working for Walgreens is to become an Assistant Manager asap.
I have NO idea how far away that is and all that I must learn and prove to attain that position.
So, I've been carefully watching the other assistant managers and realize the thing they can do that I'm able to yet is : Climb like a monkey up on top of displays and ladders to hang things- I keep picturing my soon-to-be fit body jumping around the store like a circus performer. I want to look at any task and just say "I can do that no matter the physical labor involved!" I noticed
that the managers all work their tales off when it comes to truck day. What is truck day you might ask? Well, it's just as it sounds... the day when a large semi backs up to our stockroom doors and a roller style conveyer belt extends to the truck. Managers start stacking, piling, organizing all sorts of stuff that comes off the truck- and it's all done very fast. BUT I am capable of doing it too... I just know it! I'm building up my endurance by using a "2-wheeler" to transport boxes of stuff around the store :) Renay gets a kick out of my infatuation with the new lingo of the Walgreens world.
"Coz" is of course the Cosmetic Dept.
"2 Wheeler" is a dolly cart
"a plano" is the planogram- which is a print out of the product layout of each section of shelving
"on the wall" means on the cosmetic wall-
"in the back" means along the back wall of the store
"deep facing" is organizing and straightening the products behind what you see up front on the shelf.
"Facing" is straightening the products and pulling them all forward.
Have I told you all that my abosolute favorite product line to stock onto the shelves is deodorant.
Yes... it is rather funny but there are SO many different types and styles of cans, bottles, containers. Here's the one that I'm most fascinated by - a new type of "Old Spice" deodorant that comes in a burnt red colored aresol bottle. Oh my gosh! I love it!!!! Of course, it is a man's deodorant and I'm thinking of buying some for my gramps! (just kidding) Just promise me that the next time you come in to see me or you are in a Walgreens- just pick up this can and revel in its beauty, it's rustic smooth texture, observe the cool little spray top. Okay, okay, I'll stop going on and on about it!
My new favorite cologne is my Antonio Banderez called Blue Seduction for women. I've realized that some of the names for various products aren't necessarily godly... but I don't think that really matters does it? It's all about the heart issue behind the item. For example, if I was to wear "Blue Seduction" parfume and then begin seducing men other than my hubby, then I've got a major problem. Now, if I wear it and become a bit frisky with john -then yahoo- the parfume did it's job of seduction in the right manner :)
I'm a bit wild tonight! It's a good thing because when I first starting posting all of this, I felt rather down and sad.
I miss you all! I miss Heart 2 Heart but I know that we'll be restarting soon.
love you,
k
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Carnival
hey everyone!
just a quick howdy and praise to God for an awesome turnout today at our carnival. It was rescheduled for today since yesterday was a muddy, rainey mess!
Including EFC folks, we had over 400 in attendance today! God is good!! What a gorgeous day for this too.
I need to head to bed and work this week Mon, Tues, Wed, and Fri.
please pray for Lindsay-she's very ill with a flu like bug and needs our prayers.
love you all!
k
just a quick howdy and praise to God for an awesome turnout today at our carnival. It was rescheduled for today since yesterday was a muddy, rainey mess!
Including EFC folks, we had over 400 in attendance today! God is good!! What a gorgeous day for this too.
I need to head to bed and work this week Mon, Tues, Wed, and Fri.
please pray for Lindsay-she's very ill with a flu like bug and needs our prayers.
love you all!
k
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Pleasing Man or God?
I'm off today. Just enjoying the regular routine of life- the normal: laundry, dishes, kids fighting, did I mention kids fighting???, "Mom, Mom! Mom!" As difficult as it is at times to be a mom, I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade this privledge for the world. I look around the living room right now and see 7 precious faces (Cayla is our live-in child- teee-hee) and think- "Why me?" Especially after the scare with Avry on Sunday, I marvel that God has chosen me and John to raise these kids. Did I ever tell you all that when I was growing up- I did NOT ever dream of having kids- unless I was "going with" a cute boy and the cool thing was to play that little game on paper where you guess a bunch of different things about your future and then you did this number count off thing until each category was reduced to just one thing... I'd always wish for 1 or 2 kids, to live in a mansion, to drive a porshe, to have a dog and a white pickett fence. In highschool, I dreamed of going on to college and making LOTS of money someday. I didn't understand the value of raising children or the importance of investing in their lives.
Many people of questioned me going back to work- which I totally get and am fine with. The biggest thing I'm struggling with is still pleasing man!!! What is my deal!!!??? God, John and I are 100% on the same page, but I still feel like I have to justify our actions to others. For example, many people say "Well, the more money you make the more money you spend."
I'm noticing something about myself... I feel like I have to explain any purchases I make or explain that i found something on sale! I hate that about me!!!! Another example.... do you ever get a new purse and you feel like you have to tell others that someone gave it to you as a gift so they don't think you spent a butt load of money on something that you can't afford??? That's rediculous.. I know, I know!!!! John's truck was on the fritz- needing quite a few repairs.. so John wheeled and dealed with Kristy's hubby, Matt (works for Bob Rohrman's Honda finance dept.) and he traded for a 2001 Honda CR-V. I love it!!! Yes, we probably wouldn't have bought it if I weren't working, but we did and I am working. Why do I feel guilty about this.. like I'm worried what others will think or judge- so silly of me!!!!! We still have an awesome plan to be out of debt in 2 years (other than mortgage obviously). I have to keep remembering that the Bible says do all things for the glory of God and do not live to please man.
New topic.. food. I'm up 3 lbs, but determined to go back down!!! Like many of you have mentioned, there are temptations when you work like eating out!!! PLEASE pray for me!!! I really, really want to continue to be healthy and overcome this eating addiction. I'm walking around the building for 15 min. on my breaks at work, but my goal is to wake up tomorrow morning and walk around my neighborhood for at least 20 min. Ladies, we have a mini-marathon to train for- I got to get my hiney moving!!!!! Next May will be here before we know it and I am not going back on my word :) Through Christ, all things are possible!!!
okay, I'll quit preaching to myself and say farewell!
Blessings today to each of you!
love you,
k
Many people of questioned me going back to work- which I totally get and am fine with. The biggest thing I'm struggling with is still pleasing man!!! What is my deal!!!??? God, John and I are 100% on the same page, but I still feel like I have to justify our actions to others. For example, many people say "Well, the more money you make the more money you spend."
I'm noticing something about myself... I feel like I have to explain any purchases I make or explain that i found something on sale! I hate that about me!!!! Another example.... do you ever get a new purse and you feel like you have to tell others that someone gave it to you as a gift so they don't think you spent a butt load of money on something that you can't afford??? That's rediculous.. I know, I know!!!! John's truck was on the fritz- needing quite a few repairs.. so John wheeled and dealed with Kristy's hubby, Matt (works for Bob Rohrman's Honda finance dept.) and he traded for a 2001 Honda CR-V. I love it!!! Yes, we probably wouldn't have bought it if I weren't working, but we did and I am working. Why do I feel guilty about this.. like I'm worried what others will think or judge- so silly of me!!!!! We still have an awesome plan to be out of debt in 2 years (other than mortgage obviously). I have to keep remembering that the Bible says do all things for the glory of God and do not live to please man.
New topic.. food. I'm up 3 lbs, but determined to go back down!!! Like many of you have mentioned, there are temptations when you work like eating out!!! PLEASE pray for me!!! I really, really want to continue to be healthy and overcome this eating addiction. I'm walking around the building for 15 min. on my breaks at work, but my goal is to wake up tomorrow morning and walk around my neighborhood for at least 20 min. Ladies, we have a mini-marathon to train for- I got to get my hiney moving!!!!! Next May will be here before we know it and I am not going back on my word :) Through Christ, all things are possible!!!
okay, I'll quit preaching to myself and say farewell!
Blessings today to each of you!
love you,
k
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Miracles Really Do Happen!
Today is a day in history that I will never forget. Many of you know why and some of you have no clue as to what I'm talking about.
This morning me, Anna, Abby, Cayla, Avry and another Abby (my friend Jen's daughter) headed to EFC. The kids grabbed a quick breakfast and Avry waited for me to get her a drink of milk and a baggie of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. Avry had wanted to wear a horribly hot sweater and a skirt, but I talked her into a sundress that's light and flowing! Evan and Emma had spent the night with Grandma Jane (John's mom) and she planned to meet us at church at 9:15 a.m. and Johnathan spent the night with Brad and Katie, our new friends/godly mentors for Johnathan whom he met at Royal Kid's Camp. We arrived to church and hurried in to be on time for our 9:15 a.m. class. I attended the "Old Testament" class for the first time this morning. Sam Durham is teaching it and I was loving every minute of the teaching on Jacob. God showed Jacob an amazing vision from heaven at a time in Jacob's life that wasn't really the most "spiritual" time. He had just lied his pants off to his dad, Isaac, in order to steal the birthright blessing from his bro Esau. Sam pointed out something I'd never thought about- "Why did God choose this time in Jacob's life to reveal such an awesome vision?" ....Because it was at that time that Jacob needed it. It all goes back to grace- we don't ever deserve God's awesomeness, His amazing interventions, His wonderful and glorious visions- but He chooses when and where and works all things for the good. In this vision, Jacob saw a staircase to Heaven and angels were ascending and descending on it. Later in the book of John, the same exact wording is used to talk about the "staircase where angels are ascending and descending on the Son of Man." Hmmmm.... a staircase goes two ways- both up and down... just like God reaches down to have a relationship with us because His perfect Son, Jesus bridged the gap with sacrificing his life for the world's sins. Also, you can walk up a staircase- we have an opportunity to go to God ANYtime, ANYwhere and ANYplace. Wow! I was totally into this Bible study. Then, suddenly the door flung open and Jess said "Kara!"
Now, I put an exclaimation mark there because her tone of voice was serious, I knew something was wrong. Wrong, like... tragedy kind of wrong. I rushed out of the room to hear her say "Avry is locked in the van!" I didn't really hear anything else as I went into panic mode and rushed to the van which was parked clear in the back of the parking lot. My mind was blank and I couldn't even really think straight. When I saw Avry's face, I lost it... she was sobbing uncontrollably, sweating and frantic.
Oh dear God, what had I done??? I held her and cried and cried and cried some more. We quickly assessed that she was okay and needed water of course. I immediately started to question how did this happened! How???? How???? Was she asleep and we all just got out and thought each other had gotten her out??? How???? So, I asked her if she was asleep and the most crushing answer came "No, I not asleep... You left me." What???? My child watched me walk away from the van as she was shut in an AIR TIGHT vehicle, parked IN THE SUN for 45 minutes.. yes.. i did just type that she was in there for 45 minutes. LITERALLY, by the grace of God she was found in enough time.
My mother in law was supposed to be at church at 9:15 and she would have just brought the kids inside and stayed with me for Sun. school class. We would have worried about their stuff after church. Today was children's church, which means that Avry would have just transferred into it after Sun. school was over- there would have been no reason for me to check on her..... all of this to say- by God's sovereignty and graciousness- my mother in law was late and pulled right up to my van to see Avry crying hysterically.
We serve an awesome God. We forget that everyday is a gift from Him and that many miracles happen all around us, ones that we'll never see or know about. But, today- he shined his light on our lives and gave us a miracle. He spared Avry's life, her precious little life. Just like Jacob, I sure didn't deserve some great and wonderful miracle from God... I'm not at my "spiritual best", I've fallen as we all do at times and lost sight of the reality of who I am compared to who God is. Yet, he chose today to save my child. There is no doubt in my mind that HE orchestrated every moment of our morning- right down to the very details that Avry wanted to wear a hot sweatshirt and I said no way, you need to wear this very light weight sleeveless sundress. God knew she'd need the least amount of clothes on to survive the hot, airtight van. Why did she stop me and ask for some milk and cereal as we were headed out? God knew she needed extra hydration. There is one detail of this story that I left out until the very end.
While I was in Sun. school class I heard God speak to me, but at the time I dismissed it and didn't listen. He said something to me about "Avry" and then showed me a quick picture of when we walked into the church and then how I didn't remember seeing one of the older kids take her to her class. This was about a half of a second long, but He did try to speak to me. Nothing clicked! Nothing! I didn't even question her being in the van. All too often, the Spirit speaks or moves in my heart- but I'm too busy to listen. The ongoing theme right now in my life is God saying to me, "Be still and know that I am God!" Yet, once again because He is a loving and merciful God, He didn't hold that against me. He still chose to rescue her. The "what if's? keep flashing before me- they are not pretty; they are devastating to be quite honest.
As I stood in church this morning worshipping at the front alter- the voice of angels surrounded me as my friends sang over me, cried with me and prayed for me. I wanted to collapse in thankfulness to my King, my Savior, my rescuer...my child's rescuer! I was blessed with lunch out with Angela and time to just calm down and talk through it all, laugh and just catch up on some accountability issues :)
Avry's totally fine!!! Miracles really do happen.
I share all of this with you today so that we can praise Him together for His GRACE-
"God's Riches At Christ's Expense"
Love you all,
k
This morning me, Anna, Abby, Cayla, Avry and another Abby (my friend Jen's daughter) headed to EFC. The kids grabbed a quick breakfast and Avry waited for me to get her a drink of milk and a baggie of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. Avry had wanted to wear a horribly hot sweater and a skirt, but I talked her into a sundress that's light and flowing! Evan and Emma had spent the night with Grandma Jane (John's mom) and she planned to meet us at church at 9:15 a.m. and Johnathan spent the night with Brad and Katie, our new friends/godly mentors for Johnathan whom he met at Royal Kid's Camp. We arrived to church and hurried in to be on time for our 9:15 a.m. class. I attended the "Old Testament" class for the first time this morning. Sam Durham is teaching it and I was loving every minute of the teaching on Jacob. God showed Jacob an amazing vision from heaven at a time in Jacob's life that wasn't really the most "spiritual" time. He had just lied his pants off to his dad, Isaac, in order to steal the birthright blessing from his bro Esau. Sam pointed out something I'd never thought about- "Why did God choose this time in Jacob's life to reveal such an awesome vision?" ....Because it was at that time that Jacob needed it. It all goes back to grace- we don't ever deserve God's awesomeness, His amazing interventions, His wonderful and glorious visions- but He chooses when and where and works all things for the good. In this vision, Jacob saw a staircase to Heaven and angels were ascending and descending on it. Later in the book of John, the same exact wording is used to talk about the "staircase where angels are ascending and descending on the Son of Man." Hmmmm.... a staircase goes two ways- both up and down... just like God reaches down to have a relationship with us because His perfect Son, Jesus bridged the gap with sacrificing his life for the world's sins. Also, you can walk up a staircase- we have an opportunity to go to God ANYtime, ANYwhere and ANYplace. Wow! I was totally into this Bible study. Then, suddenly the door flung open and Jess said "Kara!"
Now, I put an exclaimation mark there because her tone of voice was serious, I knew something was wrong. Wrong, like... tragedy kind of wrong. I rushed out of the room to hear her say "Avry is locked in the van!" I didn't really hear anything else as I went into panic mode and rushed to the van which was parked clear in the back of the parking lot. My mind was blank and I couldn't even really think straight. When I saw Avry's face, I lost it... she was sobbing uncontrollably, sweating and frantic.
Oh dear God, what had I done??? I held her and cried and cried and cried some more. We quickly assessed that she was okay and needed water of course. I immediately started to question how did this happened! How???? How???? Was she asleep and we all just got out and thought each other had gotten her out??? How???? So, I asked her if she was asleep and the most crushing answer came "No, I not asleep... You left me." What???? My child watched me walk away from the van as she was shut in an AIR TIGHT vehicle, parked IN THE SUN for 45 minutes.. yes.. i did just type that she was in there for 45 minutes. LITERALLY, by the grace of God she was found in enough time.
My mother in law was supposed to be at church at 9:15 and she would have just brought the kids inside and stayed with me for Sun. school class. We would have worried about their stuff after church. Today was children's church, which means that Avry would have just transferred into it after Sun. school was over- there would have been no reason for me to check on her..... all of this to say- by God's sovereignty and graciousness- my mother in law was late and pulled right up to my van to see Avry crying hysterically.
We serve an awesome God. We forget that everyday is a gift from Him and that many miracles happen all around us, ones that we'll never see or know about. But, today- he shined his light on our lives and gave us a miracle. He spared Avry's life, her precious little life. Just like Jacob, I sure didn't deserve some great and wonderful miracle from God... I'm not at my "spiritual best", I've fallen as we all do at times and lost sight of the reality of who I am compared to who God is. Yet, he chose today to save my child. There is no doubt in my mind that HE orchestrated every moment of our morning- right down to the very details that Avry wanted to wear a hot sweatshirt and I said no way, you need to wear this very light weight sleeveless sundress. God knew she'd need the least amount of clothes on to survive the hot, airtight van. Why did she stop me and ask for some milk and cereal as we were headed out? God knew she needed extra hydration. There is one detail of this story that I left out until the very end.
While I was in Sun. school class I heard God speak to me, but at the time I dismissed it and didn't listen. He said something to me about "Avry" and then showed me a quick picture of when we walked into the church and then how I didn't remember seeing one of the older kids take her to her class. This was about a half of a second long, but He did try to speak to me. Nothing clicked! Nothing! I didn't even question her being in the van. All too often, the Spirit speaks or moves in my heart- but I'm too busy to listen. The ongoing theme right now in my life is God saying to me, "Be still and know that I am God!" Yet, once again because He is a loving and merciful God, He didn't hold that against me. He still chose to rescue her. The "what if's? keep flashing before me- they are not pretty; they are devastating to be quite honest.
As I stood in church this morning worshipping at the front alter- the voice of angels surrounded me as my friends sang over me, cried with me and prayed for me. I wanted to collapse in thankfulness to my King, my Savior, my rescuer...my child's rescuer! I was blessed with lunch out with Angela and time to just calm down and talk through it all, laugh and just catch up on some accountability issues :)
Avry's totally fine!!! Miracles really do happen.
I share all of this with you today so that we can praise Him together for His GRACE-
"God's Riches At Christ's Expense"
Love you all,
k
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