Crossroads

It's been a while....much has happened though. First, let me start by saying that God is amazing and undeniably REAL! Many of you know that, but isn't it fun when he just shows up and takes your breath away. A peace overcomes you that is unsurmountable? (i may have made up that word) I love many things about God...but one thing that always gives me comfort is that He never changes- his Word is unwavering; He is constantly wanting to bring me into a closer relationship with Him regardless of how badly I screw up. That's just cool! What a friend we have in Jesus. (That's an old hymn ya know)
So here are the facts of my life that are ringing very loud and clear-
My number one goal in life is to bring honor and glory to HIM through being a tool in HIS hands.
How that translates is of course first by being a godly wife. Secondly, I am to be a godly mother. I'm also to take my health VERY seriously. I am called to be a wise steward of money and time. These are at the top of my list...so you get the jist of things.
Most things in my life right now do NOT truly support these major priorities. I am swamped, overwhelmed and just plain and simply can not keep up. My memory is starting to slip...like in weird ways. My job is fine, but it's only for the money. Yah, I do get to be a light in the dark world which is great...but I hear God whispering, "Don't go light the world and leave your home dark. You are missing the point Kara." By the way, if you know me at all, you know I hate to admit all of this...it's that ugly pride thing! I'm physically tired, emotionally drained and just plain sick of it. I'm in survival mode. Many of you are thinking right now, "I'm close to Kara and I had NO idea this is where she was." Please don't feel bad...it because I've been in denial and sugarcoat it.
My health has GREATLY went down hill since I began working. I had the bigeebers (a word that i made up) scared out of me yesterday at the doctor's office when she told me that she's referring me to a surgeon because she thinks that possibly the diseased portion of my colon needs to be removed. I'm too young to have this extensive of diverticulitis. I'm scared to death of having part of my colon removed- NO WAY HOSEA!!!! She also informed me of an "umbilical hernia" that was noticed on my CT scan. Gee....colon, hernia, dermoid cyst on the ovary- it just keeps growing. This is really all on top of me being pre-diabetic, high cholestrol and 120 lbs OVERweight! Also, I'm actually further from His will concerning money now that I make more money. It's true..so true..the more you make, the more you spend. Oh, how I HATE to admitt this. No, I really HATE to admitt it!
I'm too the point of crying out to God and begging Him to just show John and I the way...the way back to HIM! I hate this place and I want to be close to Him again. I want to be that gazelle on the treadmill. I want to be healthy and fit. I want to be energetic and take care of my family and household. I do. I do.
Here's my prayer.....
"Oh, Lord- hear my desperate cry to PLEASE be delivered and healed from this sickness and unhealthy living. I'm out of control. Period. I am out of control and I need to be brought back under your headship. Break me Lord, break me. I don't like to be broken and humble because I'm selfish. I fear what others will think of me- my wavering up and down kind of personality. This is wrong, God..I know it! I just want to seek after you alone and not care what others may think or say. I will be spending eternity with YOU and will hold an account to you for my actions here on earth. I hear you reminding me how few days I have left to make the strong impact on my children that you want me to make. I hear you. I do hear you. I am sorry for ignoring you.
The world is sucking me dry and I need to be replenished with your living water. Please, please oh God- give me a drink from the well of life. Take me to a new level of living out faith in you. Help me to walk in that NEW life that your word promises. I'm sick of this old life and old ways that are yielding no fruit. Make my every action, word and thought be purposeful to advancing your kingdom. Right now... I am far from you and I'm running hard back towards your arms. Thank you for opening your arms and just embracing me and every bit of disgust that I bring to you. Help me oh Lord, to embrace others in the same manner and to speak hope, life and peace into their lives. I want to be all that you are wanting...but I can NOT do it on my own. I need your spirit to empower me. So, Lord I recieve that empowerment right this minute! I'm done being wishy washy. I've been sucked dry recently to the point of not wanting to evangelize, not wanting to invite anyone to church, not wanting to read the Bible. This is all wrong and I take complete responsibility for poor choices. Thank you, that you promise to forgive me and cleanse me of all unrighteousness as I confess these things to you. Life is flashing before my very eyes and I'm scared to death to not be close to you! I hate this place and refuse to stay here any longer. So, God I'm willing....please make me able. I've come to these crossroads and I wait here for you to move. I love you God...i really do! Amen!"
Please pray for John and I to have discernment and wisdom. I refuse to waste time contemplating whether I should or should not have went back to work. I don't know for sure. But I do know that right NOW I'm whole heartedly begging God to show me what to do from here forward. I can think of many pros to working and I can think of a huge list of cons. The biggest problem right now is that my cons are hurting my top priorities in life. This is scary.
Friends, God is good and we must just wait on Him to speak and guide us. I tend to jump the gun so to speak ( I know, I know...shocker! Teeheee!!)
Waiting on Him,
k

Babied

I hate to admitt that I'm enjoying getting babied by my dear hubby.. I start to feel guilty and try to get up and do something light. He quickly puts me in my place...the chair :) I'm quite touched! The kids are enjoying time with family, but my Nay Nay and Emma Lynn will be home in a bit after a gourmet dinner out at "Denny's" restaraunt with Granny and Gramps.
Thank you all for your prayers and calls. It means a lot to know that I'm loved. I seriously think that I have the bestest friends in the whole wide world!!!! I'm better and can feel the effects of the meds- praise God. Cranapple juice has been delicious over crushed ice...there's just something about crushed ice! Yummy!
By the way, there is something wrong with our home phone right now, so call John's cell if you need me.
My colon is well rested and I'm rearing to go for tomorrow's great worship service.
k

Me

Hello friends,
Just a quick update on me. Beginning on Tuesday, I have experienced sharp pain in my lower left quadrin abdominal area. It remained consistent through Thursday. My doctor is Carolyn Cooper and I love her! However she did not have any available openings. So, they set me up to see a newer doctor from her office, Dr. Butt. Yes, you did read that correctly with a correct spelling :) Dr. Butt felt around on my lower abdomen and I quickly informed her of the tender and painful area. She quoted a few things for the nurse to jot down and then she said out loud "Hmmmm..what do I want to do? A CT scan or an ultrasound...CT or ultrasound." As she was saying this I closed my eyes and prayed that the Lord's wisdom would be given to her. She spat out "CT scan." They called over to Home Hospital and immediately got me in.
The fun began! I had to sip on this NASTY, horrible bitter crystal light lemonade liquid for an hour. Then, I waited for another hour for this liquid to process in my system. My dear friend Amy whom some of you have met at a couple of our Bible studies sat with me and entertained me. After the CT scan i waited another hour at the hospital for the results. I spoke with the doctor who interpreted the CT scan for me.
Much to my surprise, I have diverticulitis, which is when pockets that devolop in the colon get infected or inflamed causing severe pain. This is extremely rare in someone of my age. Usually, people that are at least 50 or older get this. The Dr. offered to hospitalize me for treatment if I thought the pain was bad enough, but I opted to deal with it at home. So, he prescribed antibiotics and rest. So, I took today off of work per his orders and thank the good Lord, I'm already scheduled to be off this weekend. John so kindly called his lietunant and requested to take today and tomorrow off! Yay! He woke up cheerfully this morning to get the kids on the bus and Avry off to school. Then, he went grocery shopping and loaded up! What a sweetie! I love this man more than words.
While he was on his adventure, my doctor's office called to update me on Dr. Cooper's review of my CT scan. The nurse explained to me that Dr. Cooper is very concerned with the extensiveness of the diverticulitis, especially in someone my age. Also, she found a dermoid cyst on my right ovary that will need to be removed. Oh joy! Dr. Cooper wants to see me next Thurs. for a follow up and we'll discuss all the details and she'd like to schedule a colonoscopy- more fun!
So, please pray! God is the almighty healer!!!!
Gotta run..not really run..but go :)
k

Fresh Look

I needed a boost so i gave my blog a face lift :) God is doing a good work right now in many areas of my life. The coolest has been that I've found a new love for spending alone time with God. My latest "date" with God exceeded any expectation that i could've had. It was deep. It was quiet. It was interesting. It was fulfilling. It was delightful. My goal for this next week is to not be afraid to schedule in alone time for just me and Him.
Parenting six children continues to grow me in my likeness of Christ! Six kids with six different personalities, six different needs, likes, dislikes, arguing styles, attitudes...ect! I think my only hope is stay a moldable piece of clay in God's hands. I'm enjoying many aspects of their lives. They are truly remarkable and I'm blessed beyond measure!!!!
I must go...gotta sleep!
k

Happy Birthday to Renay!!!!

Happy, Happy Birthday to my precious friend Renay! She's 30 something and pregnant
with her 4th little blessing of joy, which I am convinced is a girl!!
I need to take this moment and totally gloat on my friend because she is working her little
hiney off, balancing a family, household duties, church, demanding friends such as myself who begin to stalk her when they don't get a returned phone call- she is amazing! Go Renay, Go!!!!
I am truly proud of her as I can't imagine what it must be like to work night shift and be pregnant!!!!
You all know the story of how we met, but I'll tell it again. Renay first came into my life at a gym- hmmmmm...wonder what God is trying to say there? teeheee! I thought she looked like my long lost cousin named Becky, but I quickly found out that she was not. She was like the exercise queen of the universe and barely answered my question as she huffed and puffed on the eliptical (i think). Then, about a year later- there she was again as my nurse with delivering Evan. She came on shift about 30 min. before Evan made his grand appearance by jumping out into the other nurse's hands...the Dr. came in quickly after! I still remember her gentle, kind caring attitude as she helped me get from the delivery bed to a wheel chair. She even wheeled me by the nursery to see Evan :) Then, she dissappeared again for another year and then voila...there she was again! Man, God is cool! So, I ended up doing a Pampered Chef show with her as the consultant and I became the bestest recruit she had ever had!! teeeheeeee! We soared in Pampered Chef together for 3 years. Imagine 3 years of your life spent talking to someone at LEAST once a day...more like 4 times/day min!!! And now...... no more Pampered Chef, no more Kara having babies, no more exercise (sad), but the binding glue is GOD! Our friendship is precious to me. I love the fact that I can call her and be completely nuts, crazy, happy, sad, up, or down and she listens, she cares and she loves me. God has an awesome purpose for our friendship and I'm still in awe how he brought her in and out of my life over a period of about 3 years before we ever really connected...now that's a total God thing!!!!!

Today, Renay, I wish you the happiest of birthdays. But above happiness, I wish you peace. May you rest and be peaceful in the fact the God is on the throne and is doing great and wonderful things through your willingness to serve Him! Stay strong my friend.
I love you!
K

Struggling....

Thank you for your thoughts and concerns over my last post. It's been a difficult road and a lot of self inflicted guilt...but God keeps reminding me that He is bigger than all of this. I've screwed up in many ways as a parent and am constantly trying to lean on Him, but man is it tough not to get swallowed up in the guilt of seeing my own child struggle with something that she's learned from me. This is hard.
To God be the glory as Anna has become quite determined to eat healthier. She's lost 10 lbs and seems to be very happy. As we approach winter, I'm concerned about what exactly we all should do to stay active. I would love to get a membership to Faith Community Center...we'll see.
I'm a bit down overall. I'm struggling with obedience and discipline. I beg for your prayers as my heart and spirit do truly want to please God, but I'm being selfish and disobedient- I hate it!
I must go and do a bit of laundry!
My eating has been a 3 on a scale from 1 to 10! Ughhhhhhhh, but I have to remember that I can do this!!! I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me!!!!
Pray for Anna's team as tonight they will be playing in the county championship game at Wainwright. They play against East Tipp.!!! She loves volleyball, which is so like me!!!
k

Pre-diabetes

Do you ever hate sounding like a broken record? Repeating and repeating and repeating the same thing over and over and over again! I'm posting this to ask for prayer- serious prayer.
I'm going to battle and I need you all 100% behind me. I'm fighting for not only my health but now for daughter's also. We just found out the Anna is in the pre-diabetes stage just like me. I hate it. I hate it. I hate. I want to sit and cry and say how it's all my fault. Waa, waaa, waaa, poor me. I am not going to sit here and whine. I need to get off my rump and do something. I don't even know what to say right now...please prayer.
I'm gonna put my weight tracker back up...it fell off because I hadn't updated it for so long. I'm still stuck at 4 lbs. above my lowest weight this summer. It's all about choices...choices to eat healthy, exercise, live healthily and balanced. I could write a book on all the info. that I know. But knowing it and doing it are 2 different things. Pray that I have God's power to keep fighting. I feel weak. Pray for Anna to not become rebellious and hide her eating (which is what I used to do). Pray that the generational curse is broken and shattered forever.
I go in tomorrow morning for bloodwork to check my cholestrol....and have an appt. with Dr. Cooper the following Thurs. to review results and where I am in all this.
Love you all,
k