I'm entering a new phase of life. My youngest child is now 5 years old and getting ready for Kindergarten this fall....I still can't believe this!!! For years and years and years, I would attend family events and parties with such a tense feeling as I had babies and toddlers to always, always care for. I would long for the moments when my very caring family would relieve me and take one child for a walk, or change a diaper, or just feed them and enterain them. I couldn't really ever just relax and have fun. But tonight...was different.
My uncle and fiance hosted an amazing blowout party event in W. Point. This was the first year that John and I could breathe more easily and let the kids run, play, have fun, explore, ride horses...just be kids...without us being on edge. The karoke was absolutely hysterical. The kids would take turns singing songs, dancing, strumming their pretend electric guitars, jam.....just have a hootin' good time!
As the evening went on, I kept nudging my dear hubby to try the karoke (he's super good at it and has a nice voice too) Me, on the other hand, can NOT carry a tune if my life depended on it!!! Finally, finally, he was brave enough to give it a shot and of course...hit a home run! He warmed right up and took his turn singing several songs. By the end of the night, he was confident enough to serenade me to a song that was quite funny....do you remember the movie "Top Gun" ? Remember the part when Tom Cruise decides to talk to the blonde gal and he begins singing to her? Well, my cuz Kristy's hubby Matt put John up to reinacting that whole scene! The song doesn't make much sense about our marriage or anything...but it was cute and fun to just sort of act out that scene. I'm quite theatrical and really think I missed my calling to be an actress :) teeheee...maybe not :) Anyhow, it wasn't actually the words that John sang, but the fact that he did it in front of about 50 people, that just touched my heart. I felt like I was 16 again and my crazy boyfriend, John, was wooing me with his fun-loving personality......that man melts my heart. Who would have ever dreamed that we would be where we are today? I'll tell you who....GOD. God didn't dream it though- HE ordained it and I'm blessed to walk this road called "marriage" with him as my soul-mate.
Praise and honor to God alone who has brought us this far and will continue to strengthen our marriage, our lives!
Life is Good because of God! Thumbs up!!!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Ever Get Sick of Ordinary?
For anyone that has read my blog, you know that I had taken a bit of a blog "sebaticle." I've decided to return to blogging because God is making me more and more uncomfortable and pushing me to dig deeper. I'm on the cusp of a major change in my life and I'm not sure exactly what it is though I have some ideas. I've decided to start living a life more of faith and purpose, to not be satisfied with the ordinary. I'm getting sick of ordinary!
I don't want an ordinary marriage.
I don't want to be an ordinary parent.
I don't want to act ordinary at church.
I don't want an ordinary relationship with Jesus.
No!
I want an extra-ordinary joyful life. I want to be soooo contagious that if you even look at me- you see Jesus. If you speak to me- you want more of Jesus within me. If you spend time with me- you long to be more like Jesus. If I pray with you, God's extraordinary love overflows on you. If I hug you, you want to melt becasue God's love consumes you. I want more. I want more.
I want the heavens to rain down a flood of power unto me and others to unashamedly share the gospel of Jesus. Have i so quickly forgotten His power to change lives? Apparently so! When is the last time I shared about the gospel? His truth? I'm ashamed to say "it's been WAY too long!"
I asked God to light a fire under me a few days ago and it's starting to get warm...possibly real HOT...quite uncomfortable actually. I've pulled away from God over the past few months. It's been a not so fun place--spiritually speaking.
I've doubted every spiritual gift that He's given me. I've listened to the lies of the enemy as they are whispered into my ear and have gave way to these lies. I've stepped over to the side and allowed the lies to win. I've been embarrassed to even suggest that I have something of value to say to a group of women. Why would God use me? I became distracted by some personal issues. But Oh boy...I'm ready and willing to follow His call. I don't think that it is some earth-shaking radical change for me, but I think it's right before my very eyes. Every breath and step I take is being watched and compared to what I "say" I believe in.
I have 6 kids who are spending their entire summer with me...listening...watching..waiting...wondering and thirsty to know more about who God is. I have a husband who IS undoubtedly the most amazing man on the face of this earth- I adore many things about him. But mostly- I LOVE that he loves Jesus. I love his honesty, genuineness, transparency, and His growing level of discernment. I feel safe and secure with his umbrella of protection. I feel loved unconditionally. I am the love of his life and he the love of mine. Oh...how richly blessed I am. My greatest ministry is to be John's wife and I am honored!
So...my fire has been lit and I'm going to rely on God's power to live life full of love for others. May the world know HIM because of my love for his people. Whatever that looks like God, I'm ready to listen and to act upon it. Please oh please God-
I'm begging for your strength to transform my eating and exercising habits. You know I don't want to be skinny for skinny's sake, but I want to be healthy and vibrant.
There is NO doubt in my mind that you-God- and you alone are the only one who can help me succeed down this path and to change a lifelong history of leaning on food for comfort. The Bible says to give thanks for all things. Therefore, today, right now, I give thanks for exactly how much I weigh, for exactly where I am, and to know that you promise to work all things together for good. You are God alone and I trust YOU! I'm sick of ordinary when GOD- you are full of extraordinary greatness and grace. Fill me up.
I don't want an ordinary marriage.
I don't want to be an ordinary parent.
I don't want to act ordinary at church.
I don't want an ordinary relationship with Jesus.
No!
I want an extra-ordinary joyful life. I want to be soooo contagious that if you even look at me- you see Jesus. If you speak to me- you want more of Jesus within me. If you spend time with me- you long to be more like Jesus. If I pray with you, God's extraordinary love overflows on you. If I hug you, you want to melt becasue God's love consumes you. I want more. I want more.
I want the heavens to rain down a flood of power unto me and others to unashamedly share the gospel of Jesus. Have i so quickly forgotten His power to change lives? Apparently so! When is the last time I shared about the gospel? His truth? I'm ashamed to say "it's been WAY too long!"
I asked God to light a fire under me a few days ago and it's starting to get warm...possibly real HOT...quite uncomfortable actually. I've pulled away from God over the past few months. It's been a not so fun place--spiritually speaking.
I've doubted every spiritual gift that He's given me. I've listened to the lies of the enemy as they are whispered into my ear and have gave way to these lies. I've stepped over to the side and allowed the lies to win. I've been embarrassed to even suggest that I have something of value to say to a group of women. Why would God use me? I became distracted by some personal issues. But Oh boy...I'm ready and willing to follow His call. I don't think that it is some earth-shaking radical change for me, but I think it's right before my very eyes. Every breath and step I take is being watched and compared to what I "say" I believe in.
I have 6 kids who are spending their entire summer with me...listening...watching..waiting...wondering and thirsty to know more about who God is. I have a husband who IS undoubtedly the most amazing man on the face of this earth- I adore many things about him. But mostly- I LOVE that he loves Jesus. I love his honesty, genuineness, transparency, and His growing level of discernment. I feel safe and secure with his umbrella of protection. I feel loved unconditionally. I am the love of his life and he the love of mine. Oh...how richly blessed I am. My greatest ministry is to be John's wife and I am honored!
So...my fire has been lit and I'm going to rely on God's power to live life full of love for others. May the world know HIM because of my love for his people. Whatever that looks like God, I'm ready to listen and to act upon it. Please oh please God-
I'm begging for your strength to transform my eating and exercising habits. You know I don't want to be skinny for skinny's sake, but I want to be healthy and vibrant.
There is NO doubt in my mind that you-God- and you alone are the only one who can help me succeed down this path and to change a lifelong history of leaning on food for comfort. The Bible says to give thanks for all things. Therefore, today, right now, I give thanks for exactly how much I weigh, for exactly where I am, and to know that you promise to work all things together for good. You are God alone and I trust YOU! I'm sick of ordinary when GOD- you are full of extraordinary greatness and grace. Fill me up.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
How Long!
How long has it been since I first wrote on this blog??? A LONG time ago. I sort of came to a point where I didn't want everyone reading my innermost thoughts. I'm still at this point...so
God...it's all YOU and Me!
As you know I watched the "Passion" Sat. night and was moved to remember the road of suffereing that you took to the cross. You were highly persecuted- beyond my belief. You suffered in a way that is indescribable. I realize that you not only suffered physically, but the true worst part of it all was being God in the flesh and having to bare the sins of the world. How did you actually forgive and love those who were horrifically spitting in your face. If you were sitting right here, Jesus, I would ask you how did you do it? How did your heart not rage with anger for the unrighteous treatment that you were recieving? I love you Lord. I want to seek you with all my heart, mind and soul and NOT care one bit what anyone has to say unless it is godly advice. I want to "tune out," if you will, the static of the world. I want to hone in on what is precious and important to you! I want to love my family like you want me to and be the mom and wife that you've called me to be. I want to be a crown of jewels on my husband's head that he is proud of . I want to focus on eternity. You keep telling me eternity is at hand...eternity is at hand. I do want to have self control and deny my flesh . I do want to foloow and obey you , but I'm soooooooo weak! so weak!!! My weakness actually disgusts me!!! I want to be a shining witness for you and love people and tell them the gospel and your powere to transform their lives. But Lord, Lord, want do you really want to do with my life? Tell me. Please tell me. I want to sit at your feet and drink from the cup in your hand . I want you to hold me tight and not let me go. Connvict me immediately when I'm far from you, give me the strength to make wrongs right. Please give me a humble heart that does not want worldly attention. Make me dissappear and you APPEAR through me in your greatness. I love you Lord. I do. I'm sooooo sorry for all the ways that I let you down. You are my creator, my love, my maker. You knit my inner most parts in my mother's womb and I'm eternally grateful that you chose to love me first! Why did I get privledged to live in a free country, with loving family and upbringing, not an abusive home, a wonderful godly husband...6 lovely children...why me? I do not deserve all of this. I know there are people dying all over the world just because they don't have clean water. They are my human brothers and sisters and yet I allow them to die??? Oh Lord, break my heart for the things that break yours. I want a new passion stirred up in me like I've never known. Stir my heart Lord!! Stir it up!!! I want to eat your word and breathe it...live it...love it.
Lord, i love you and want to just be overflowing with you tonight.
God...it's all YOU and Me!
As you know I watched the "Passion" Sat. night and was moved to remember the road of suffereing that you took to the cross. You were highly persecuted- beyond my belief. You suffered in a way that is indescribable. I realize that you not only suffered physically, but the true worst part of it all was being God in the flesh and having to bare the sins of the world. How did you actually forgive and love those who were horrifically spitting in your face. If you were sitting right here, Jesus, I would ask you how did you do it? How did your heart not rage with anger for the unrighteous treatment that you were recieving? I love you Lord. I want to seek you with all my heart, mind and soul and NOT care one bit what anyone has to say unless it is godly advice. I want to "tune out," if you will, the static of the world. I want to hone in on what is precious and important to you! I want to love my family like you want me to and be the mom and wife that you've called me to be. I want to be a crown of jewels on my husband's head that he is proud of . I want to focus on eternity. You keep telling me eternity is at hand...eternity is at hand. I do want to have self control and deny my flesh . I do want to foloow and obey you , but I'm soooooooo weak! so weak!!! My weakness actually disgusts me!!! I want to be a shining witness for you and love people and tell them the gospel and your powere to transform their lives. But Lord, Lord, want do you really want to do with my life? Tell me. Please tell me. I want to sit at your feet and drink from the cup in your hand . I want you to hold me tight and not let me go. Connvict me immediately when I'm far from you, give me the strength to make wrongs right. Please give me a humble heart that does not want worldly attention. Make me dissappear and you APPEAR through me in your greatness. I love you Lord. I do. I'm sooooo sorry for all the ways that I let you down. You are my creator, my love, my maker. You knit my inner most parts in my mother's womb and I'm eternally grateful that you chose to love me first! Why did I get privledged to live in a free country, with loving family and upbringing, not an abusive home, a wonderful godly husband...6 lovely children...why me? I do not deserve all of this. I know there are people dying all over the world just because they don't have clean water. They are my human brothers and sisters and yet I allow them to die??? Oh Lord, break my heart for the things that break yours. I want a new passion stirred up in me like I've never known. Stir my heart Lord!! Stir it up!!! I want to eat your word and breathe it...live it...love it.
Lord, i love you and want to just be overflowing with you tonight.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Our Trip to Disney
It's been forever since I blogged here, but I wanted to take a few moments and record some valuable information that I've noticed while being here in Orlando/Kissimmee FL.
It's quite amusing that we are experiencing record low temps here in FL on our vacation. It usually is in the 70's but our week here has been 48-60 degrees. I did discover that no matter what the temperature, you need sunscreen. Even on cooler days, the sky is crystal clear blue and the sun is gorgeous. I would love to visit here more often...it's beautiful!
I'm thanking God for His amazing generosity to our family. We were blessed with 8 days/7 nights at the Orange Lake Resorts with points from my dad and connie's timeshare. When we first booked this awesome 3 bedroom/3 bathroom villa, I knew it was a far-fetched dream that we'd be able to afford to take 6 kids to Disney. For all 8 of us, the bill would be near $600 for ONE day!!!! That is just nuts! We began to pray..knowing very well that this trip was pure luxury, nothing we needed or couldn't live without. YEt, we knew that God could provide.
Sure enough, we received Christmas gifts of finacial means that paved the way. Talk about above and beyond what we could dream or imagine.....then, came.....an additional financial gift to specifically cover a day at Disney- this person insisted to remain anonymous but wanted to bless us. This person stated "I'm just a vessel for His money." I have been in shock over this gift because it was spontaneous and it showed me something about God's character....It is better to give than recieve. Yes, I happened to be on the receiving in...but I could see in this person's heart and eyes- the true love to give unconditionally, with no strings attached, freely, generously, with GREAT JOY! More than this trip, I want THAT...I want what that person had...I want to give like mad. I have a renewed hate for debt and overspending. God released more in this trip than I could have dreamed- He gave us freedom from the bondage of things. Strangely enough, we go on a dream vacation to be taught how NOT to hold onto the things of this world. Before we even left Indiana, I mapped out a very strict budget and John approved it. God empowered me with a firm and strong stand against being tempted into spending money that we had not budgeted. I knew I was a rock and would not waver. Here's the funny thing about that statement....I, Kara, am a total mush ball of falling into temptation...especially when it comes to eating out or eating treats at amusement parks!!! So, God turned me into a hard core drill money drill sergeant...it felt good.
So, here's my recordings of expenses so that I can look back at this someday and remember how I did this....
Gas right now is about $2.69/gallon. From our home to our resort was 1080 miles. We spent $150 gas to get here and for about half of our week here driving around. We left home at about 7 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 1st and drove straight thru with only stopping for 2 gas trips/potty break
and to switch drivers. It took 15 1/2 hours to get here. I drove from 2-4 a.m. and john drove the rest..he's amazing!!! Before we left, we ate a solid dinner. Each child had an "activity bag" which they would keep under their feet in the van. This contained their electronic stuff..Nintendo DS, MP3 player, Leapster, crosswords, coloring/crayons, etc. Also, they each had their own snacks for the trip and their breakfast for Sat. morning. (5 starbursts, 2 granola bars, small amt. of beef jerky and pecan rolls)They could snack at their leisure and I found this worked VERY well!!! Also, I found that 10 oz. bottles of water were perfect because we wanted to control the amount of fluids so that everyone didn't have to go potty every half hour. I kept these room temperature in the van and they were fine. So, we didn't actually have a cooler. I also packed a small box that sat between John and I of additional goodies: gummy bears, starbursts, peanuts, beef jerky, Special K bars, apples, large packs of our favorite gum, tissues, and anti-bacterial wipes. We had a mini trash can lined with a wal-mart sack (with 3 extra sacks hidden underneath). Then, we had a mini trash Each child also had one fleece blanket and one pillow. Needless to say, they were packed in our 8 passenger mini van. I also had made ahead peanutbutter and jellies for Sat. lunch and pringles (when we arrived in Orlando, I knew we'd be famished and not have groceries yet). Emma and Abby got one dose of Dramamine since they tend to get car sick- worked well!
NOTE- anytime you go to a timeshare resort- they will offer you several "deals" for you to just take a tour of the property. Never accept the first few offers. The more you say NO, the harder they try and will give you more incentives. I initially said No thanks as John and I had decided that would be our answer. We checked in, got unloaded and then Anna and I headed off to local WAl-Mart to do our shopping. (Aldi's was quite a bit further away). We had planned full menu for the entire week other than one evening's dinner. I spent $230 on groceries- very pleased with that. We booked it home to prepare Johnathan's favorite dinner since it was his 13th birthday!!! We had spaghetti, garlic bread and salad..yummy! Dinners for the week: spaghetti, chili, chicken and fettucini alfredo, taco salad and tacos, egg sandwiches, and left overs. Lunches: ham or turkey sand, pb and j's, chips and salsa. Breakfasts: pancakes, scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, sausage gravy and bisquits, Homemade "egg mcmuffins", cereal, bagels, hashbrowns.
Treats to make for week: Fudge, Chocchip cookies, NO bake cookies, banana splits.
John and I know exactly how the time share thing works and we decided that we were completely strong enough at this point in our lives to just get through those tours/sales pitches to get the free cash gift or excellent deal on Disney tickets. To make a long story short, we went through 2 tours and got $80 cash along with a phenomenal deal on 2 day passes plus Disney Quest for all 8 of us! Sadly, that $80 cash evaporated with parking 2 days at Disney ($14 each day) , tennis shoes for Avry since somehow we lost hers, and 2 trips to Walgreens for other stuff). My favorite part of the whole trip was when John and I told the timeshare salespeople that "we don't purchase anything without the cash to do so and we will NOT make payments on anything!" They looked shocked and politely tried to dispute our position. Oh well!!!!!! We're on our way to being debt free baby!!!!
The kids had money for our trip that they decided would be best used to purchase a family gift instead of blowing it on pointless junk and food at Disney. So...we purchased a Wii with the moola!!! Yay!!!! They've had a blast with it and it will last!!!
We went one day to Hollywood Studios and one day to Magic Kingdom. I filled my purse both days with snacks and a few water bottles. EAch day, we ate a hefty breakfast and lunch before we left for park around noon (this was the best advice anyone could've given us!) Then, we enjoyed the afternoon at the park and headed home around 6-7 p.m.
We hear it's a blizzardy mess back in Indiana right now. Our plan is to head out of here early SAt. morning and be home by 11 p.m. SAt. night. We hopefully will make it to church Sunday morning!!! I miss everyone soooo much!!!
I may add more details later...for now, I'm tired though. Space Mountain jerked me around pretty well...neck is bit sore :)
It's quite amusing that we are experiencing record low temps here in FL on our vacation. It usually is in the 70's but our week here has been 48-60 degrees. I did discover that no matter what the temperature, you need sunscreen. Even on cooler days, the sky is crystal clear blue and the sun is gorgeous. I would love to visit here more often...it's beautiful!
I'm thanking God for His amazing generosity to our family. We were blessed with 8 days/7 nights at the Orange Lake Resorts with points from my dad and connie's timeshare. When we first booked this awesome 3 bedroom/3 bathroom villa, I knew it was a far-fetched dream that we'd be able to afford to take 6 kids to Disney. For all 8 of us, the bill would be near $600 for ONE day!!!! That is just nuts! We began to pray..knowing very well that this trip was pure luxury, nothing we needed or couldn't live without. YEt, we knew that God could provide.
Sure enough, we received Christmas gifts of finacial means that paved the way. Talk about above and beyond what we could dream or imagine.....then, came.....an additional financial gift to specifically cover a day at Disney- this person insisted to remain anonymous but wanted to bless us. This person stated "I'm just a vessel for His money." I have been in shock over this gift because it was spontaneous and it showed me something about God's character....It is better to give than recieve. Yes, I happened to be on the receiving in...but I could see in this person's heart and eyes- the true love to give unconditionally, with no strings attached, freely, generously, with GREAT JOY! More than this trip, I want THAT...I want what that person had...I want to give like mad. I have a renewed hate for debt and overspending. God released more in this trip than I could have dreamed- He gave us freedom from the bondage of things. Strangely enough, we go on a dream vacation to be taught how NOT to hold onto the things of this world. Before we even left Indiana, I mapped out a very strict budget and John approved it. God empowered me with a firm and strong stand against being tempted into spending money that we had not budgeted. I knew I was a rock and would not waver. Here's the funny thing about that statement....I, Kara, am a total mush ball of falling into temptation...especially when it comes to eating out or eating treats at amusement parks!!! So, God turned me into a hard core drill money drill sergeant...it felt good.
So, here's my recordings of expenses so that I can look back at this someday and remember how I did this....
Gas right now is about $2.69/gallon. From our home to our resort was 1080 miles. We spent $150 gas to get here and for about half of our week here driving around. We left home at about 7 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 1st and drove straight thru with only stopping for 2 gas trips/potty break
and to switch drivers. It took 15 1/2 hours to get here. I drove from 2-4 a.m. and john drove the rest..he's amazing!!! Before we left, we ate a solid dinner. Each child had an "activity bag" which they would keep under their feet in the van. This contained their electronic stuff..Nintendo DS, MP3 player, Leapster, crosswords, coloring/crayons, etc. Also, they each had their own snacks for the trip and their breakfast for Sat. morning. (5 starbursts, 2 granola bars, small amt. of beef jerky and pecan rolls)They could snack at their leisure and I found this worked VERY well!!! Also, I found that 10 oz. bottles of water were perfect because we wanted to control the amount of fluids so that everyone didn't have to go potty every half hour. I kept these room temperature in the van and they were fine. So, we didn't actually have a cooler. I also packed a small box that sat between John and I of additional goodies: gummy bears, starbursts, peanuts, beef jerky, Special K bars, apples, large packs of our favorite gum, tissues, and anti-bacterial wipes. We had a mini trash can lined with a wal-mart sack (with 3 extra sacks hidden underneath). Then, we had a mini trash Each child also had one fleece blanket and one pillow. Needless to say, they were packed in our 8 passenger mini van. I also had made ahead peanutbutter and jellies for Sat. lunch and pringles (when we arrived in Orlando, I knew we'd be famished and not have groceries yet). Emma and Abby got one dose of Dramamine since they tend to get car sick- worked well!
NOTE- anytime you go to a timeshare resort- they will offer you several "deals" for you to just take a tour of the property. Never accept the first few offers. The more you say NO, the harder they try and will give you more incentives. I initially said No thanks as John and I had decided that would be our answer. We checked in, got unloaded and then Anna and I headed off to local WAl-Mart to do our shopping. (Aldi's was quite a bit further away). We had planned full menu for the entire week other than one evening's dinner. I spent $230 on groceries- very pleased with that. We booked it home to prepare Johnathan's favorite dinner since it was his 13th birthday!!! We had spaghetti, garlic bread and salad..yummy! Dinners for the week: spaghetti, chili, chicken and fettucini alfredo, taco salad and tacos, egg sandwiches, and left overs. Lunches: ham or turkey sand, pb and j's, chips and salsa. Breakfasts: pancakes, scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, sausage gravy and bisquits, Homemade "egg mcmuffins", cereal, bagels, hashbrowns.
Treats to make for week: Fudge, Chocchip cookies, NO bake cookies, banana splits.
John and I know exactly how the time share thing works and we decided that we were completely strong enough at this point in our lives to just get through those tours/sales pitches to get the free cash gift or excellent deal on Disney tickets. To make a long story short, we went through 2 tours and got $80 cash along with a phenomenal deal on 2 day passes plus Disney Quest for all 8 of us! Sadly, that $80 cash evaporated with parking 2 days at Disney ($14 each day) , tennis shoes for Avry since somehow we lost hers, and 2 trips to Walgreens for other stuff). My favorite part of the whole trip was when John and I told the timeshare salespeople that "we don't purchase anything without the cash to do so and we will NOT make payments on anything!" They looked shocked and politely tried to dispute our position. Oh well!!!!!! We're on our way to being debt free baby!!!!
The kids had money for our trip that they decided would be best used to purchase a family gift instead of blowing it on pointless junk and food at Disney. So...we purchased a Wii with the moola!!! Yay!!!! They've had a blast with it and it will last!!!
We went one day to Hollywood Studios and one day to Magic Kingdom. I filled my purse both days with snacks and a few water bottles. EAch day, we ate a hefty breakfast and lunch before we left for park around noon (this was the best advice anyone could've given us!) Then, we enjoyed the afternoon at the park and headed home around 6-7 p.m.
We hear it's a blizzardy mess back in Indiana right now. Our plan is to head out of here early SAt. morning and be home by 11 p.m. SAt. night. We hopefully will make it to church Sunday morning!!! I miss everyone soooo much!!!
I may add more details later...for now, I'm tired though. Space Mountain jerked me around pretty well...neck is bit sore :)
Monday, October 12, 2009
Why?
Today God is reminding me to think on things that have eternal value- character, relationships, deep meaningful things. I feel spiritually "heavy." I'm battling the flesh as usual and am finding myself very "me-focused." I can become consumed with negativity about myself to the point of not being able to see obvious ministry opportunities right before my very eyes.
Remind me again- Why does God want people like me who have junk in their hearts and lives? Why does He choose to give me things I do not deserve? Why can't I just quit and be a reclusive person who never has to face the fear of failing people????????????? Why do I easily forget that this life is but a vapor of time compared to eternity? Why do I settle for less when He wants the best for me?
There's really only one answer....BECAUSE He is God and He is love. The deep mysteries of God
are beyond my comprehension. No eye has seen nor ear has heard the wonders of his love! He can do above and beyond what we can think or imagine!
So....I'm resting today in His truth. I'm seeing more and more spiritual things around me- a war is going on and it's rough! God- here I am. Just plain ole me- use me as you want to please!
k
Remind me again- Why does God want people like me who have junk in their hearts and lives? Why does He choose to give me things I do not deserve? Why can't I just quit and be a reclusive person who never has to face the fear of failing people????????????? Why do I easily forget that this life is but a vapor of time compared to eternity? Why do I settle for less when He wants the best for me?
There's really only one answer....BECAUSE He is God and He is love. The deep mysteries of God
are beyond my comprehension. No eye has seen nor ear has heard the wonders of his love! He can do above and beyond what we can think or imagine!
So....I'm resting today in His truth. I'm seeing more and more spiritual things around me- a war is going on and it's rough! God- here I am. Just plain ole me- use me as you want to please!
k
Monday, September 21, 2009
Spiritual Awakening
Sometimes you don't know how dead you are until you've been made alive again. There are times in my life when I am more alive..the sky is a little bluer...the grass a little greener....the air a little fresher. However, I'm taking note that these times usually come after a very dark time....when the sky is grey...the grass is brown and full of weeds....and the air is heavily polluted.
Less than one week ago I was lower than low. A spiritual awakening seemed miles and miles away...nearly unattainable. My wretchedness had boiled over with ugly comments to my precious hubby, sarcasm that could slice a soul in two, a desire to just dissappear for a while, a swelling discontent heart- things were a bit ugly to say the least. I could barely muster up the prayer to ask for His help to change my heart. Lies were swarming through my mind like a mad bee's nest. The lies became so loud and distracting that I questioned my entire purpose in ministry. I wanted to hide because what I once heard God say appeared to be a deception.
Bottom line- I became ME focused instead of God-focused.
I began to beg God..."please, please bring back my passion to evangalize. Bring back the boldness that was not worried about what other's would think. Bring back my passion to teach and speak to women. Lord, bring the opportunities that are of you." The buzzing of the bees were distracting, loud and mind-cluttering. The lies were continually NON-stop! "Kara, get real...no one will want to listen to an over-weight crazy like yourself! You are going to flub everything up and won't convey salvation in a clear way, etc...etc...etc. Bla...Bla...Bla!"
Then, the God of the universe, the lover of my ugly soul, the forgiver of my disgusting selfishness, the perfect creator of all good- He chose to scoop me up, cradle me and love on me!
He revealed truth to me and let me tell you....Oh, Oh...how sweet truth is and how freeing.
There was a course of events that He used specifically that I will not go into. But these led up to last night-
downtown Lafayette
Lafayette Theatre
6-8 p.m.
Elston Family Church- Night of Worship
He rocked my world.
I want to be healthy...if for NO other reason so I can bounce up and down and not feel that my rolls are on their own gravity program :) I want to jump higher than Heather (you had to be there...teeheee) a person half my size can easily spring themselves several inches higher than me! I want to dance my toosh off and not tire easily. Ideally, I would not be dizzy and light-headed at the end of some rockin' awesome worship :)
Side note- I 100% used to be convinced that people that acted the way in which I am describing were PURELY nuttso! Crazies! Wack-jobs! Deceived! How could a godly, conservative Christian act so "free?" Remember...I spent 9 years in a church where swaying back and forth might have been considered too radical! And raising your hands....uh....NEVER! Veering from the songlist and time allotted for worship- No way!
But last night- God rocked the house. He blew the top off. He said "Worship ME and Me alone!"
He wooed the spirits of many. He caused me to yell out to Him with affirmation of how great HE is. I couldn't sing loud enough. I couldn't jump high enough. I couldn't lay flat enough. I couldn't cry hard enough. I couldn't smile big enough. I couldn't express in human ability how much I believe in His power and might.
He can move the mountains. He can calm the seas. He reigns. He died for me. He restores. He is on the throne. He listens. He cares. He moves how and where He pleases. My God is mighty to save.
I saw a woman whom I call my friend, Tisha, obey the Lord and stand up before all of us to beautifully sign "Amazing Love." She's finally going to use the gift God has given her and not hide it any longer. Praise be to HIM.
I saw another woman try to "pass the buck" as she called it. The Spirit kept telling her that an invitation for salvation needed to be spoken from the mike. God pushed her up on stage so she could share how great our God is and to invite anyone who didn't know to come and find out!
I saw friends worshipping like they had never worshipped before, reaching higher and higher to the throne of Glory- going after all that God had for them and stopping at nothing.
I saw passionate worship leaders pour their heart and soul into chasing after God and taking us higher and higher. I heard the voice of an angel.....Lindsay sing my favorite...."Come to me."
But it was more than her angelic voice that echoed in the place- it was a gifting like I've NEVER, NEVER seen or heard.
A spiritual awakening is a beautiful thing. I woke up this morning with a revived heart.
All glory be to Him.
k
Less than one week ago I was lower than low. A spiritual awakening seemed miles and miles away...nearly unattainable. My wretchedness had boiled over with ugly comments to my precious hubby, sarcasm that could slice a soul in two, a desire to just dissappear for a while, a swelling discontent heart- things were a bit ugly to say the least. I could barely muster up the prayer to ask for His help to change my heart. Lies were swarming through my mind like a mad bee's nest. The lies became so loud and distracting that I questioned my entire purpose in ministry. I wanted to hide because what I once heard God say appeared to be a deception.
Bottom line- I became ME focused instead of God-focused.
I began to beg God..."please, please bring back my passion to evangalize. Bring back the boldness that was not worried about what other's would think. Bring back my passion to teach and speak to women. Lord, bring the opportunities that are of you." The buzzing of the bees were distracting, loud and mind-cluttering. The lies were continually NON-stop! "Kara, get real...no one will want to listen to an over-weight crazy like yourself! You are going to flub everything up and won't convey salvation in a clear way, etc...etc...etc. Bla...Bla...Bla!"
Then, the God of the universe, the lover of my ugly soul, the forgiver of my disgusting selfishness, the perfect creator of all good- He chose to scoop me up, cradle me and love on me!
He revealed truth to me and let me tell you....Oh, Oh...how sweet truth is and how freeing.
There was a course of events that He used specifically that I will not go into. But these led up to last night-
downtown Lafayette
Lafayette Theatre
6-8 p.m.
Elston Family Church- Night of Worship
He rocked my world.
I want to be healthy...if for NO other reason so I can bounce up and down and not feel that my rolls are on their own gravity program :) I want to jump higher than Heather (you had to be there...teeheee) a person half my size can easily spring themselves several inches higher than me! I want to dance my toosh off and not tire easily. Ideally, I would not be dizzy and light-headed at the end of some rockin' awesome worship :)
Side note- I 100% used to be convinced that people that acted the way in which I am describing were PURELY nuttso! Crazies! Wack-jobs! Deceived! How could a godly, conservative Christian act so "free?" Remember...I spent 9 years in a church where swaying back and forth might have been considered too radical! And raising your hands....uh....NEVER! Veering from the songlist and time allotted for worship- No way!
But last night- God rocked the house. He blew the top off. He said "Worship ME and Me alone!"
He wooed the spirits of many. He caused me to yell out to Him with affirmation of how great HE is. I couldn't sing loud enough. I couldn't jump high enough. I couldn't lay flat enough. I couldn't cry hard enough. I couldn't smile big enough. I couldn't express in human ability how much I believe in His power and might.
He can move the mountains. He can calm the seas. He reigns. He died for me. He restores. He is on the throne. He listens. He cares. He moves how and where He pleases. My God is mighty to save.
I saw a woman whom I call my friend, Tisha, obey the Lord and stand up before all of us to beautifully sign "Amazing Love." She's finally going to use the gift God has given her and not hide it any longer. Praise be to HIM.
I saw another woman try to "pass the buck" as she called it. The Spirit kept telling her that an invitation for salvation needed to be spoken from the mike. God pushed her up on stage so she could share how great our God is and to invite anyone who didn't know to come and find out!
I saw friends worshipping like they had never worshipped before, reaching higher and higher to the throne of Glory- going after all that God had for them and stopping at nothing.
I saw passionate worship leaders pour their heart and soul into chasing after God and taking us higher and higher. I heard the voice of an angel.....Lindsay sing my favorite...."Come to me."
But it was more than her angelic voice that echoed in the place- it was a gifting like I've NEVER, NEVER seen or heard.
A spiritual awakening is a beautiful thing. I woke up this morning with a revived heart.
All glory be to Him.
k
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Here we go again!
The following is my very first post ever. March 2008. I just re-read it and can't believe that was me. I want that fire back. Sadly, I am back up in weight to where I first began. What a journey.
So....here we go again. It's time to get my hiney back in gear. Anyone want to come along???
March 2008:
I've decided to begin the end. Sounds odd doesn't it? Well, is what I mean by that is that my entire life has been consumed by food- what I'm gonna eat, what I'm not gonna eat, how much I weigh, how much I've lost, what size I wear, etc.Well, I've decided to begin the end- the end to a lifelong struggle with weight, food addiction and unhealthy living.This journey is gonna be lovely and ugly, happy and sad, triumphant and dissappointing.This is going to be a frank and honest journal of my past, present and future health. Please join me on this journey and watch the "me" turn into the "me" God wants me to be. My precious friend Renay is also walking this journey with me, one bite at a time :) We can and WILL do this and NOT for our own glory, but for God's Kingdom. We are going to be 2 hot, fit mamas ready to serve our King like crazy!!!!!!WARNING: Sit down and be prepared to read some shocking numbers... I hate weight. I'm sick of being labeled by my weight. I remember various times in my life as to how much I weighed.. that's crazy!!!!First and foremost, I must give all the glory where it belongs and that is to the God of the universe, the one who sent His one and only Son to die a painful death on the cross in place of MY sin. Hmmmm... my sin? Yep! Jesus went to that cross for my addiction to food. My life is full of sin that thankfully Jesus has wiped clean from the slate so that I can be righteous in God's eyes! Yay!!! I was saved at about 8 years old and asked Jesus to cover me with His sacrifice on the cross... yet, I have struggled all of my life since about the age of 8 with loving food more than anything else! I can remember my Kindergarten school picture just looking as cute as can be, then by 4th grade I didn't sit up straight and you could see the roll of my chest (didn't have real boobs yet)... that was a mortifying picture!!! Anyhow... my years after that were spent "sucking it in" when trying on an outfit, standing before the mirror. Hearing many comments from people who loved me about my weight and the importance of "suck in your gut and stick out your butt" for pictures or "that makes you look thin" (yes, I know that sounds crazy, but I heard it more than you can imagine at a very young age.)At last.. a beginning to an End of negative comments by family tearing at my heart and destroying my healthy view of myself, food and weight. (yes, I know that loving people will always say negative things, but this is the end of it ruling my life!!!)Some more history.....At age 10 I weighed 135 lbs. Then, the summer before 8th grade, I lost a lot of weight and was looking pretty good- a size 9 in juniors! But that wasn't good enough since all of my friends were a size 5!!! (This was also the same summer of my parent's divorce).Highschool was going good with me getting to about 145 lbs. I played volleyball and loved to exercise. I battled on and off with bulemia though. Then at the age of 16 I became pregnant with Anna. John and I got married at 17. My highest pregnancy weight was 175.... ahhhh... those were the days.... :) After Anna was born the roller coaster began again... up and down.... At age 19, John, me and Anna lived in Beaufort, SC as JOhn was in the Marine Corps and I went to the Dr. for an exam. This was the first time a dr. ever told me that I was obese and needed to lose 50lbs. I was devastated, embarrassed and shocked! By using Herbalife products, I got down to about 160 and felt great. Then, slowly back up, up, up again! After a miscarriage in 1999 (before Abby).. I became very depressed. I gained a ton of weight with pregnant with Abby in 1999-2000.At last.. a beginning to an end of the food roller coaster.Eventually I got up to 273 lbs., after Evan was born (yes, that is a 100 lb. increase)!After praying and begging God to help me, I was guided to LA Weightloss and lost 90 lbs. withthem before getting pregnant with Emma at 180 lbs. After Emma my weight skyrocketed again.. I could eat 5 qts. of vanilla icecream with chocolate syrup in just 2 days. No, i'm not exaggerating. I was struggling with post partum depression too. My weight crept up over 200 lbs. and then I got pregnant with Avry! We finally figured out what causes that and John got a visectomy :) tee -hee! I remember stepping on the scales and full pregnancy with Avry and seeing 250 lbs and thinking- I can't believe I got this heavy again!!! After Avry, I was up and down...a long story to say that as of last Friday, Good Friday- I weighed 272 lbs.I was told a year ago by my Dr. that I had to lower cholestrol- triglyc. were the worst (carbs!) and that I was "pre-diabetic". I promised to work at it and lose weight. Shocker... it didn't happen! I went back recently to find out that the cholestrol is still bad, but thank the good LORDthat I am NOT diabetic!!! That was it!!! I have had it!!!God is sooo cool.. His timing is always perfect. The very next Sun. after hearing this from dr. ,Pastor Randy did a message about "specific sin"... Hmm.... He even asked that people come forward and pin their sin, written on a note card, to the huge wooden cross at front of church. I can still remember exactly where mine is pinned. It read "overeating".Now here's the sad part.. I wanted to really confess it to God, cause that's the right thingto do. But I definately wasn't ready to give it to HIM fully. I was terrified that "I wasn't ready" or "I'll just fail, so why bother". Nonetheless, I pinned my card up there out of obedience to Godand went on with life. That was also the weekend of our church-wide 24 hour prayer and I knew breakthrough was coming.. I just didn't know when. God kept stirring in my spirit all week long.I have recently heard that many of my friends use Weight Watchers and I became very interested. Finally, by Friday which was Good Friday I logged onto Weight Watchers and joined the online version! I love it and have been doing it now for 1 week.At last .... The Beginning to an end of weighing 272 lbs.Please pray for me whenever you see a fat person... :) I hate that word.. "fat".. but you got to call a spade a spade. I desire for every inch of my body to be pleasing to God. It doesn't have to be perfect, but I do want Him to be pleased with my stewardship of HIS temple... my earthly body.I'm only 30 years old and I don't want to be unhealthy anylonger!!At last... The beginning to an end of an unhealthy body.For years, I've desired to be very close to God.. to walk like HIM, to think like HIM, to talk like HIM, to eat like He would. I've wanted this intimate relationship with Jesus that has been somewhat obtainable. I don't want "somewhat" anylonger!!!! There's ONE key thing holding me back and separating me from my heavenly Father and from living the fullest life that He has for me... and that is my love affair with food. I want to dance the dance of my life in the arms of Jesus. He is the lover of my soul, my biggest fan, the one who will NEVER leave me.I'm sick of being sold short and buying into the lie that food will satisfy my deepest longing. It won't and can't. I know God has made me a passionate person for many reasons and I believe the biggest reason is so that I can turn my greatest weakness into my greatest ministry.This is the Beginning to an End of a "somewhat" close relationship with Jesus. I'm ready for the REAL thing!
Today, September 5th- one and half year later....here I go again :)
k
So....here we go again. It's time to get my hiney back in gear. Anyone want to come along???
March 2008:
I've decided to begin the end. Sounds odd doesn't it? Well, is what I mean by that is that my entire life has been consumed by food- what I'm gonna eat, what I'm not gonna eat, how much I weigh, how much I've lost, what size I wear, etc.Well, I've decided to begin the end- the end to a lifelong struggle with weight, food addiction and unhealthy living.This journey is gonna be lovely and ugly, happy and sad, triumphant and dissappointing.This is going to be a frank and honest journal of my past, present and future health. Please join me on this journey and watch the "me" turn into the "me" God wants me to be. My precious friend Renay is also walking this journey with me, one bite at a time :) We can and WILL do this and NOT for our own glory, but for God's Kingdom. We are going to be 2 hot, fit mamas ready to serve our King like crazy!!!!!!WARNING: Sit down and be prepared to read some shocking numbers... I hate weight. I'm sick of being labeled by my weight. I remember various times in my life as to how much I weighed.. that's crazy!!!!First and foremost, I must give all the glory where it belongs and that is to the God of the universe, the one who sent His one and only Son to die a painful death on the cross in place of MY sin. Hmmmm... my sin? Yep! Jesus went to that cross for my addiction to food. My life is full of sin that thankfully Jesus has wiped clean from the slate so that I can be righteous in God's eyes! Yay!!! I was saved at about 8 years old and asked Jesus to cover me with His sacrifice on the cross... yet, I have struggled all of my life since about the age of 8 with loving food more than anything else! I can remember my Kindergarten school picture just looking as cute as can be, then by 4th grade I didn't sit up straight and you could see the roll of my chest (didn't have real boobs yet)... that was a mortifying picture!!! Anyhow... my years after that were spent "sucking it in" when trying on an outfit, standing before the mirror. Hearing many comments from people who loved me about my weight and the importance of "suck in your gut and stick out your butt" for pictures or "that makes you look thin" (yes, I know that sounds crazy, but I heard it more than you can imagine at a very young age.)At last.. a beginning to an End of negative comments by family tearing at my heart and destroying my healthy view of myself, food and weight. (yes, I know that loving people will always say negative things, but this is the end of it ruling my life!!!)Some more history.....At age 10 I weighed 135 lbs. Then, the summer before 8th grade, I lost a lot of weight and was looking pretty good- a size 9 in juniors! But that wasn't good enough since all of my friends were a size 5!!! (This was also the same summer of my parent's divorce).Highschool was going good with me getting to about 145 lbs. I played volleyball and loved to exercise. I battled on and off with bulemia though. Then at the age of 16 I became pregnant with Anna. John and I got married at 17. My highest pregnancy weight was 175.... ahhhh... those were the days.... :) After Anna was born the roller coaster began again... up and down.... At age 19, John, me and Anna lived in Beaufort, SC as JOhn was in the Marine Corps and I went to the Dr. for an exam. This was the first time a dr. ever told me that I was obese and needed to lose 50lbs. I was devastated, embarrassed and shocked! By using Herbalife products, I got down to about 160 and felt great. Then, slowly back up, up, up again! After a miscarriage in 1999 (before Abby).. I became very depressed. I gained a ton of weight with pregnant with Abby in 1999-2000.At last.. a beginning to an end of the food roller coaster.Eventually I got up to 273 lbs., after Evan was born (yes, that is a 100 lb. increase)!After praying and begging God to help me, I was guided to LA Weightloss and lost 90 lbs. withthem before getting pregnant with Emma at 180 lbs. After Emma my weight skyrocketed again.. I could eat 5 qts. of vanilla icecream with chocolate syrup in just 2 days. No, i'm not exaggerating. I was struggling with post partum depression too. My weight crept up over 200 lbs. and then I got pregnant with Avry! We finally figured out what causes that and John got a visectomy :) tee -hee! I remember stepping on the scales and full pregnancy with Avry and seeing 250 lbs and thinking- I can't believe I got this heavy again!!! After Avry, I was up and down...a long story to say that as of last Friday, Good Friday- I weighed 272 lbs.I was told a year ago by my Dr. that I had to lower cholestrol- triglyc. were the worst (carbs!) and that I was "pre-diabetic". I promised to work at it and lose weight. Shocker... it didn't happen! I went back recently to find out that the cholestrol is still bad, but thank the good LORDthat I am NOT diabetic!!! That was it!!! I have had it!!!God is sooo cool.. His timing is always perfect. The very next Sun. after hearing this from dr. ,Pastor Randy did a message about "specific sin"... Hmm.... He even asked that people come forward and pin their sin, written on a note card, to the huge wooden cross at front of church. I can still remember exactly where mine is pinned. It read "overeating".Now here's the sad part.. I wanted to really confess it to God, cause that's the right thingto do. But I definately wasn't ready to give it to HIM fully. I was terrified that "I wasn't ready" or "I'll just fail, so why bother". Nonetheless, I pinned my card up there out of obedience to Godand went on with life. That was also the weekend of our church-wide 24 hour prayer and I knew breakthrough was coming.. I just didn't know when. God kept stirring in my spirit all week long.I have recently heard that many of my friends use Weight Watchers and I became very interested. Finally, by Friday which was Good Friday I logged onto Weight Watchers and joined the online version! I love it and have been doing it now for 1 week.At last .... The Beginning to an end of weighing 272 lbs.Please pray for me whenever you see a fat person... :) I hate that word.. "fat".. but you got to call a spade a spade. I desire for every inch of my body to be pleasing to God. It doesn't have to be perfect, but I do want Him to be pleased with my stewardship of HIS temple... my earthly body.I'm only 30 years old and I don't want to be unhealthy anylonger!!At last... The beginning to an end of an unhealthy body.For years, I've desired to be very close to God.. to walk like HIM, to think like HIM, to talk like HIM, to eat like He would. I've wanted this intimate relationship with Jesus that has been somewhat obtainable. I don't want "somewhat" anylonger!!!! There's ONE key thing holding me back and separating me from my heavenly Father and from living the fullest life that He has for me... and that is my love affair with food. I want to dance the dance of my life in the arms of Jesus. He is the lover of my soul, my biggest fan, the one who will NEVER leave me.I'm sick of being sold short and buying into the lie that food will satisfy my deepest longing. It won't and can't. I know God has made me a passionate person for many reasons and I believe the biggest reason is so that I can turn my greatest weakness into my greatest ministry.This is the Beginning to an End of a "somewhat" close relationship with Jesus. I'm ready for the REAL thing!
Today, September 5th- one and half year later....here I go again :)
k
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