TRUTH vs. Darkness

I realize that you are only supposed to weigh yourself once
per week. But, considering I just had the horrible experience
of gaining 3 lbs. last week, I've decided that I will
weigh in DAILY through this next week and post the
weights as a source of accountability.

Don't worry.. I'm not going to let this discourage me AT ALL.
I realize there may be somedays that I'm up a tad and
some days that I'm down. It's all about the heart
and I need to stay on track!!!

So.. this morning I weighed in at 247.4- which is awesome
because that means now in the retrospect of the long
haul I've only gained .4 of a lb! Yahooooooo!!!! The skinny
Kara is back in business :) Yes.. I'm crazy!!!!
Yesterday, I began to tell myself all the truths that God
wanted me to hear about me...
I am a success. I am a runner/healthy heart gal. I am truthful
and real. I will NOT ever sugar coat the truth as I must
ALWAYS, always remember that falsehood is the beginning
of darkness. The Bible says in 1 John 1 that if we walk in
darkness but say we walk in the light, we are a liar.
Now, that was some harsh truth.. but nonetheless.. TRUTH!

I WILL reach my ideal weight.. I WILL!!!!! When I stumble
and fall- you all will know it as I will always reveal my darkness
and keep it in the light. It actually terrifies me to think
what I'm capable of doing if I live in the darkness.
I think I'm going to just confess some things right now:
-I am mouthy with my husband at times... very embarrassing!!!!
- I soooooo hate John being "in charge" that sometimes
I just do or say things on purpose to try and emphasize
my independence.- YUCKO!!!!!
- I scream at my kids sometimes.... yes... really yell!
- I am lazy at times- yesterday I took a LONG nap and
let the house go to pot.
- I'm totally temped to lie about something on this whole
insurance thing (with our house getting struck by lightening
recently) so that we can come out on top and ahead of the
game------ I can't believe I just typed that!!!!! TRUTH is
truth and I can't sugar coat it anylonger. I have been totally
rediculous in my thoughts on this whole situation and it's
mortifying as to what I'm capable of. My stomach is turning
right now! What is wrong with me??? Do I not think that
God of this Universe knows the truth even if there are loop holes
in the system!!!
- I am rebellious at heart- it's VERY, VERY difficult for me to
just obey God and do what is right.
- I don't pray like I should over important issues! For goodness
sake.. tomorrow- I am signing papers to adopt a child.. a precious
human being that is a gift from God and I've just been floating
along as though life is just hunky dory!
- I don't respect money as I should- I actually hate money.
God is working greatly in my heart on how HE views money...
not as I view money!
- I dread cleaning the toilets and doing the bedsheets-
hate it!!!!!! It takes a whopping 2 min. max.. to clean a toilet-
yet... I avoid it. Don't worry, if you are coming to my house..
there will be a clean toilet. BUT WHY? Why does it take
"someone" coming over for me to get my rear in gear. I am
the most influential person in my children's lives and yet ...
once again... because I sometimes live in darkness in the comfort
of my own home, I somehow think that it really doesn't matter????
That's absurd!!!!!!!
- I love to give my husband "to do lists" that are focused around
what I want done and MY priorities. I know that I should be more
gentle in asking and respect that he also has an agenda
of priorities.
For those of you who are saying "kara, you are being too hard
on yourself"...NOPE!
It's all truth and I know that God loves me and is not shaking
a fist at me. He is a gentle, loving God. But it is important for me
to get real with where I am and what needs to be more
pleasing to HIM.
Gotta run... literally...time for treadmill!
love you,
kara