Do you ever need a good kick in the pants?

Breathe in... Breathe out! Confession time: I've done horrible, just horrible on my eating lately!!!
I am not in "the zone" and it sucks really badly! Water???? Water??? What does that taste like? Sermons on the treadmill seem a lifetime away. I've dreaded typing this post. I can't remember the last time I mumbled the words "Tomorrow will never come"- I've been in a self-indulging, sinful mode and it has to get better! NOW!!!!!
Why can we know the truth, but deny the truth so easily? I KNOW that the beginning of change comes from first admitting where you are wrong. Ugggghhhhh... I hate to admitt where I am. I hate it... right now my nose is crinkling up with disgust. (Sigh... another deep breath in and deep breath out!) Darkness has been trying to creep back into my life with a overwhelming desire to eat out- eat fast food, eat fattening food, binge eat, not count points, not care, eat 2 candy bars at once, eat till I want to puke. Am I nuts??? I feel nuts. So, I come to you with not much to give right now- the only encouragement that I have is that Jesus is alive and well; He's on the throne and he's in the business of overflowing with grace. Thus, I sit at His feet with my arms opened wide and ask HIM to pour himself, his love, his grace, his mercy, his joy, his EVERYTHING
into me. I beg Him to take "Kara" out of the way and fill me with Jesus instead. The Kara I've always known and have always been is uncapable of succeeding in this fight for a healthy heart. Yet, because He died and rose again- I will live out this battle for the rest of my life depending on the truths of the Bible. Do you know this song? Here are the lyrics...
Amazing love
How can it be that you my King should die for me?
Amazing love
I know it's true, I'll honor you in all I do
I'm forgiven because you were forsaken
I'm accepted because you were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your Spirit lives within me.
Because you died and rose again.
You are my King... Jesus, you are my King.

**This is one of my all time favorite songs- it just says it all. Simply, it says it all. I want to learn to revel in this amazing love.. lay down and waller in it.. roll around.. soak it in to the depths of my pours... rest and rejoice in it. Jesus died for me. He died for my obsession with food. He died for my selfishness. He died for my disobedience to His perfect law. Thank you- GOD!
Today's sermon was probably the best one I've ever heard. It was about love and how tainted our worldly view of love is- we all tend to examine "love" to our upbringing, our family structure.
It's very difficult to grasp a pure and holy love that God the Father has for us because we didn't see it walked out in our upbringing. Yet, God wants to take me to a place of receiving His love in a way that I've never known. So, I'm brought to this strange question ..."Kara, do you love the earth suit that God has given you enough to treat it in a way that honors God?"
Hmmmmmm.. that's an odd question. I used to dismiss the whole "love yourself" concept because I thought it sounded a little hokey! But think about it... the Bible says that the greatest commandment is to love your God with all of your heart, mind and soul and to love your neighbor as yourself. As yourself??? what???? That means you have to love your self! I never realized that I do not fully love myself and have been holding out on myself? Are you with me here? We are spiritual beings. Our spirit is fighting against the flesh and we must train the flesh to honor the spirit of God.
Here's a concept about God's grace for you to chew on (Neal shared this in church this morning..)
There is NOTHING you can do to make God love you anymore. There is nothing you can do to make God love you any less.
No matter, how healthy or fit I am- God loves me just the same. No matter what I've ever done to sin against Him, He loves me just the same. That's such a relief. Ahhhhhh. Even though I've screwed up with my health a 100 million times... He loves me just the same. A song this morning said "His righteousness is like the mighty ocean. His faithfulness stretches to the sky. His love reaches to the Heavens." Holy smokeroos! What lavish love. What a warm, cozy, snuggly blanket of love.... picture yourself wrapped in this love- it's perfect. Holy. Good. Pure. Comforting. Hopeful. Joyful. Reassuring. Safe. Peaceful.
The Bible says that I can be like a clanging horrible sounding noise if I "know" the Bible and preach the Bible, but have NOT love. My religion is worthless.. .worthless without love. This truth is tearing me up right now because although love is the most simple word and probably one of the most used words in our language, it's terribly difficult to just love someone. My prayer is that when my children think of me- they will see Jesus. I'll admitt that I've done a poor job of living that love out on a daily basis. Yes, we are all human and fall short of the glory of God- boy don't I know that to be true!!!! The list is endless of the times I've failed to love them, to love John, to love my parents, to love my family, to love my church, to love my friends and neighbors
in a way that mirrors Jesus' love for me. Here's the best news of all- His mercies are new everyday! Yahooo!!! Now, why on earth would God want to give me a new set of mercy- each day of my life? I sure wouldn't do that if I were him. Oh.. yeah.. that's why He's God and I am NOT!!!!!!!! How on earth does he keep no records of wrongs? I do. How on earth does He forgive sin? I don't like to.
In terms of thinking of blessings that God has given me, I usually say that my husband and kids are the biggest blessings ever. But, I just realized that I crap all over the main blessing of all- my body. I can't escape it. Everywhere I go.. it goes :) I can be a turd to some of the people that I love very much. But, man.. my body takes a true beating. I want to leave you with this.... pray that I will love my body as God does :)
More water, exercise, and stay within my points allotment!
Thanks for listening to me preach to myself- I sometimes just need a good kick in the pants :)
love ya,
k