God Can Even Use Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches

Last night, I almost had a mental breakdown!!
Yes, it's true.

The sad part was that it was over an icecream cone.
John and I were trying to think of a CHEAP date
last night that of course included our 11 year old
nephew Johnathan (he can't be left at home with
Anna due to strict rules we
are under until we adopt him)... So, I was happy with
going to Menards and just looking around. Yes, very
pathetic. I had saved up some WW points and was
really looking forward to buzzing up to McD's for a 3
pt. icecream cone. I had eaten NO fattening stuff
all day long and actually was starting to feel a bit
moody over the lack of fat in my food choices.
So, I hinted to John that after Menards I'd
love a cone.
(We are trying not to spend extra money until
payday on Fri.) So, to his credit... he was
trying to be wise with money. We bought
nothing at Menards except 2 little
snack things that Anna needed for play rehearsal.
Sure enough, when we left Menards John did NOT
turn towards McD's but went to Dollar General to
get Emma some cough syrup.
I was fuming.
He kept asking me what was wrong and I felt
like someone had died. That's how upset I was
over a stinkin' icecream cone.
Then, I realized I could at least get a sweet
treat in DG. We pulled up to DG and he put
the van in park as to say,
"Go ahead and go in by yourself Kara." That just further
infuriated me!!! How dare he not want to go in with me
as I needed both the comfort of his presence while
picking out a treat. As I entered the store, I pondered,
"I'm going to just get a box of cherry poptarts and then
after checking out, shove them in my purse so he
doesn't see them!" As I rounded the snack aisle,
low and behold John sneaks up behind me and says
hello, i came in!!
Could it get any worse? Now, my plan to be deceptive
was ruined!!!!! He had the nerve to start salivating
over those gross Archway cookies... Lemon ones,
Rasberry filled ones, Strawberry ones- ewwwww!
Gross!!!
So, I ignored that and just picked out some cough
syrup for Emma. Then I began reading the nutritional
information on the back of the candy bars- Oh MY !!!!
They were outrageous and soooooooooo not worth
the amount of points. I began to feel desperate
and like there was no hope to reasonably satisfy my
sweet craving. Forget the poptarts, now JOhn was
right there with me and I couldn't bring myself to
go get them.
Finally, I just gave up and reluctantly went to the
check out. Everyone around me began to annoy me.
The cashier was attempting to amuse the customer
in front of us and I hated every minute of it!!! I had
NO desire to invite her to church or anywhere for
that matter!!! I could have began crying because all
I had wanted was a stupid icecream cone and now
I felt as though I was on my "emotional deathbed!"
So, we traveled home with me gazing out the window.
I did try to pray and begin to plead with God that
maybe somehow he'd have a surprise waiting for
me at home. Possibly my dad could have stopped
by for a treat for the kids that I could indulge in???
We got home and no surprise. NONE!
If I would've had any extra money to spare, I would
have gotten in the driver's seat, left John and
Johnathan home, and driven back out to eat
something!!!!!
At this point, I was dreaming of fattening, greasy
food that would probably give me diarrhea!!!!!
(I had no money to spare, and knew John would have a
heartattack if it did that!)
I was so depressed that I went straight to
my bed and laid down, I couldn't even post last
night - I was soooo mad!!!!
John snuggled in with me and tried to
get me to laugh.. it was NOT going to work!!!!
Then, Avry woke up and I had to go give her some
medicine. As I stood in the kitchen, I thought "This
is rediculous, Kara. Just eat something with some
sweetness in it and go back to bed a little more
pleasant. So, Avry and I had a delightful peanut
butter and jelly sandwich with some milk-
ahhhhhhh... at last my craving was satisfied.

Now, you may be wondering if this was all in my
head.. but I seriously don't think it was. I had
sooooo deprived my body all day of enough fat
that my mood was out of control!!! Literally,
I felt like a different person when I went back
to the bedroom after eating that sandwich.
I went from being the snaggle-toothed
tiger to the cheerful, loving and reasonably minded
Kara that most of you know. Big lesson learned-
listen to your body!!!! Because this is a
lifelong journey for me and a lifestyle change-
I have to be sure and
not deprive my body of nutrients it needs.
All in all, I am thankful for eating the sandwich
and milk over the icecream cone
(although it cost me alot more points)
because of the nutrition in it.
Some of you have asked about my food journal
and how I've lost 15 lbs. already (keep in mind
that fat people lose more weight more quickly!)..
but, I honestly was
embarrassed to tell you all that I've really eaten
"bad" things in moderation. I didn't deny my
cravings all together. That's the hard thing
about changing your lifestyle is that extreme
measures are sometimes difficult to maintain.
I used to be a "pro-dieter". I could
lose weight quickly, but then would gain it back
along with a few extra lbs. So, I do have to
continue watching my cholestrol- tryglic-
to be specific, but I
refuse to EVER, EVER, EVER turn back to
being this overweight. I said good bye to
the 260's forever and ever.
God can and will provide all of my needs.. I guess that
sandwich was what He wanted to give me
over the cone.
I do want this temple body of mine to glorify my
heavenly Father.. I really do. But last night, I could
have just laid down and died over that stupid icecream
cone and yet, God provided an even better treat-
peace, joy and happiness and in a peanutbutter
and jelly sandwhich!